Suzy Asked: "Should We Drive West to
Yellowstone or East to Standing Rock?"
all of a Sudden an Eagle was Spotted in the
Eastern Sky... "Follow Me... It Said."
"Let's GO!" Said Billy "I Wonder if That was the
Same Eagle That Named the Band..."
"What Band? Asked Suzy...
"The Eagles." Said Silly Billy...
"OH, Now I Get It!" Said Suzy...
"Great! Onward to Standing Rock!" Said Billy
and they Eased on Down the Road...
|
Meeting of the Condor and the Eagle |
"OMG!" Said Susan, "I'm Talking as if I was Texting! WTF!!!!"
"Relax" said Bob "It's only the lingering effects
of your (~);-} training.
"Wow," said Susan "I never heard (~);-}
pronounced before... That reminds me of a
Story... "
"Oh NO!" Said Billy "Not another Boring Story!
I've Got to Stay Awake While I'm Easing on
Down the Road. and Who's BOB?"
"What?" asked Susan "He's The Hitchhiker
You Picked Up an Hour Ago. Is Your Short
Term Memory Going KaJiggers?"
"How the Hell Would I Know?" said Billy "My
Entire Life is a Mystery!"
But First, A Word from Our Sponsor...
"MATH: Not Just For Rocket Science Anymore"
Two-Tone Coffee Mug For Sale. Click on the Link
to see the REST of this Computer Assisted Design... It's COSMIC!
"Anyway..." Said Susan "I'll Tell You The Story ...
"A Million Years in the Future" by Purple64ETS:
The guard was looking at the pool of atomic
waste... he wondered, what if I figured out a
way to dispose of this Depleted Uranium...
That would be wonderful... And he stood there
and thought... just as his father had done, and
his grandfather, and his great grandfather,
great-great-great back through the millions of
years they had been standing guard... But he
had no idea... so he stood there and guarded
the atomic waste and trained his son to be a
guard... maybe my son will find the answer...
TO BE CONTINUED... A BILLION YEARS IN
THE FUTURE...
"That Story Sucks" Said Bob "It Doesn't Even
Have a Happy Ending! All Good Stories Have a
Happy Ending Where The Good Guys Win."
"OK, Mister Wise Guy. YOU Tell a Story." Said
Susan and Billy Together...
"Fine... It's Called "Everybody's Laughing at
Ayn Rand" by Benjamin Ghazi" Said Bob.
"Everyone's Laughing at Ayn Rand Because
She took Social Security Checks from The
Government In Her Final Years. True Believers
of Her Philosophy feel that was a Betrayal of
Her Core Values. However, What they FAIL to
Realize is That She was a FICTION Author That
Made Up Wild Tales About an Ideal World That
Could Never Exist. It Was The FANS That
Exaggerated The Significance of the Plots
Until they Became Marching Orders for
Libertarians Worldwide. A Blueprint for the
Creation of a New World Order... She Just
Thought, FREE MONEY FROM THE
GOVERNMENT... WHEE! or Maybe That's Not
What she thought at all... Maybe Her GRAND
PLAN FAILED and Starvation Drove Her to
Give Up Her Beliefs... We'll Never Really
Know... But One Thing is Certain... [DRUM
ROLL] Reality Exists No Matter What You
Believe. The End.
"Well, That's a Pretty Good Story... It Had That
Mockery of People That Have Crazy Ideas and
Millions of Followers... Like The TrumpNiks of
America in the 2010s... He Was an Obvious
Fraud but They Believed Every Lie He Told!"
Said Susan
"It got so bad they Gathered in Large Groups
and Infected Each Other with a Disease Called
"Trump's Coronavirus" Even When ALL The
Doctors Said 'DON'T DO THAT! You'll DIE!'
They Just Kept On Behaving Stupid Until They
Became Extinct."
"I Did Not Know That." Said Bob "I Guess That
was the Start of the Three Party System in the
USA. Green, Democrat and Libertarian... No
Need for a FOURTH Party... Dead People Don't
Vote... (Except in Texas)"
~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~
Author's Note: Are You Wondering About the
Safety of 5G? I worked for 6 Years designing
Computers for the Air Force Complying with
TEMPEST Requirements. EMI/RFI Shielding
Prevents All Radio Waves from Passing...
Transmit radio waves at a grounded steel plate
and they just stop. SO... In Fact... Aluminum
Foil Hats Prevent Radio Waves from Entering
Your Brain. YOU CAN COOK MEAT USING
POWERFUL ENOUGH MICROWAVES... So
Holding a Cellphone up to your ear is in fact
COOKING Your Brain... But NOT Cooking it
|
Aluminum Foil Hats in the Movie Signs |
"LOOK!" Said Susan "And They Saw ____
______ ___ ___.
(To be Determined by a Random Vision
Generator Program)
|
Logging Truck, Fully Loaded on Highway #299 During a Construction Work Traffic Jam. Humboldt County, CA |
"That Random Image Program Works Pretty Good." Said Bob "That Reminds Me of a Story."
"Oh NO!" Said Billy "Not another Boring Story!
I've Got to Stay Awake While I'm Easing on
Down the Road... and Who's BOB?"
"He's The Same Hitchhiker Who's Been Sitting
in the Back Seat for Hours!" Said Susan "Your
Brain is Definitely Fried! Go Ahead BOB... I'm
Listening."
"Anyway, It's Just Free Advice to How to Avoid
Traffic While Driving Thru Summertime
Construction Zones. First, They Have a
Flagman Stop All Traffic Because of a One
Lane Road Ahead. Then, After waiting 10
Minutes (that feels like hours) Everybody
Drives Forward Really Fast in a Tightly Packed
Bunch.
AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY... Pull Off the
Side of the Road and Take Photographs of
Nature for Five Minutes... By That Time, ALL
THE CARS HAVE PASSED and You are Driving
with Zero Traffic... They are all Racing Ahead
at Breakneck Speed... and Since All The Cars
Behind You Are Blocked by The Flagman... You
Won't See Them Either... If You Have a
Tendency to Drive Slower Than Average You
will Never See another Car until You Get to the
NEXT Construction Zone.
"Thanks Bob, That's Great Advice." Said Susan.
"I Learned That Driving over Highway #299
From Arcata to Redding, CA. One time It was
So Hot That I Thought I Was Going to Die...
After the Flagman Let Us Go, I Saw a
Swimming Hole in the Trinity River and
Jumped In. I Drank a Lot of Cool, Clear Water...
So Much that I Became Intoxicated! That Was
FUN!"
|
Trinity River in Hoopa, Humboldt County, CA Photo Taken From the Shady Place to Park. |
"What About You, Bob? Have You Got a Story?" Asked Susan.
"Well..." said Bob. "Years Ago..." and He
Hesitated... Paused... as His Fried Brain
Performed a Search... and the Computer
Displayed a Random Photo...
Bob Said: "Here's One... Do the Math: a silly
story… Absurdist Fiction! Not one word is
True... [wink, wink]
During the early 1970’s a gentleman and his
wife were working in Palo Alto, California and
he discovered the key to enlightenment. He
published it as a book and became a leader of
a religious group very popular with the high
tech crowd surrounding Apple and HP. To put
it briefly, the key is
01101011001110110100010001…
and it went on like that for a hundred
pages finally ending with the amazing
conclusion that astonished the world and
allowed the couple to earn a million dollars
from royalties…
11010011100001110101100110.
A few years passed and the wife made a
public statement: “While my husband is a fine
fellow and a wonderful father to our children,
I sadly must inform you that he is almost
entirely wrong about the key to enlightenment.
I have been doing the math and can state that
there is a missing part… it is:
10010100110001001011101110…
and it went on like that for a hundred pages
finally ending with the amazing conclusion
that astonished the world and allowed the
couple to earn another million dollars from
royalties…
00101100011110001010011001.
And the people of the world did the math…
and she was right… while each of the strings
of zeros and ones by themselves showed part
of the key to true enlightenment, if you add the
two numbers together, they equal:
1111111111111111111111111….
and it goes on for a hundred pages finally
ending as you would expect…
111111111111111111111111111.
and THAT'S How You Become One With The
Universe!"
Hey! That's Great." Said Susan. "Anyone Else?"
and She Pushed the Button to Display a
Random Photograph...
|
The Elfin Glen Store Redwood Chainsaw Sculptures on Highway #101 - Humboldt County, CA |
"I Don't Get anything From this Picture. Try Again." Said Tom
"Who the Hell is TOM?" asked Silly Billy.
"Oh, That's The Other Hitchhiker We Picked Up
an Hour Ago. He's Kinda Quiet." Said Susan
"Anyway, Here is another Photo."
|
Impossible Object That forms the Core of the Infinity Drive. Discovered at Roswell, New Mexico |
"I'm Getting an Image in My Mind!" Shouted Billy "It's The Space Brothers From That Old
Comic Book about the Fabulous Furry Freak
Brothers and Mr. Natural... and He's Holding a
Four Wheeled Hand Truck! Gee,
That's a Major Improvement over the
Two Wheeled Hand
Trucks I Used at the Old Paint Store. Maybe
Friendly Aliens DID Help Ancient Humans to
Invent Technology. Look! There Goes One
Now!"
[Author's Note: As I was writing this a Lady
Walked by using a four wheeled hand truck
to deliver a Box Spring from a Bed. Using
One Hand!]
|
Friendly Alien Waving at YOU from inside His Flying Saucer |
as They Were Easing on Down the Road
Towards Standing Rock... Silly Billy Said:
"Let's Stop Here! [insert location found on
Google Maps on the Actual Path to Standing
Rock] Evans Plunge Mineral Springs... 1145 N
River St, Hot Springs, SD 57747 - I Feel Like a
Soak in the Hot Tub."
"Fantastic!" Said Susan "We Can Get Naked
and Fool Around Just Like We Did at Woody's
Hot Springs on Highway #70 in California."
"No We Can't. This is Just Not That Kind of
Place." Said Silly Billy...
"For thousands of years, the valley of healing
waters, called "wiwila kata" by the Lakota
(meaning warm waters), was prized for the
warm spring-fed river. Both the Lakota and
Cheyenne utilized the natural river of warm
water springs that flows through present-day
Hot Springs."
So They Soaked for Hours... and Then... They
Eased on Down The Road... They Met a Girl
in the Hot Tub That wanted to Join The Band
of Intrepid Travelers... Her Name Was...
[Random Named Chick] and She Wanted to
Go to Standing Rock Also.
"I've always admired the Standing Rocks at
Stonehenge. And Now I Find Out We Have a
Standing Rock Right Here in the USA." Said
[Random Named Chick]
"I Don't Know If They Have an Actual ROCK
There... Mostly It's About Protecting the Water
from an Oil Pipeline. Here, Read This:
It'll Give You a Clearer Picture..." Said Susan,
Standing Rock Sioux Tribe
Bldg. #1 N Standing Rock Ave.
P.O. Box D
Fort Yates, ND 58538
(701) 854-8500
Standing Rock Sioux Nation straddles the
North Dakota/South Dakota boarder on the
western portion of both states. Currently the
reservation is about 1,000,000 total acres.
|
Map of Standing Rock Reservation |
"Dang! It Appears that We Are Freaking Lost...
We Should be Heading Towards Bismarck,
North Dakota." SAID EVERYONE ALL AT
ONCE!
"We Should Have Gone North on #85 and Then
East on #12. When We Got To STURGIS We
Were Going the Wrong Way." Said Silly Billy.
"Yeah, But I Always Wanted to See STURGIS...
It Was Interesting Even Off Season When
There Were Not a Gazillion Bikers... Maybe
Even Better!" Said Susan...
"And That Side Trip To Devil's Tower Was
EPIC... Do DO Do Do DUH!" Sang
[Random Named Chick]
Suzie Turned on the Car Radio and A Talking
Head Said:
"I See on the TV News That a Remote
Controlled Machine Gun Killed the Top Iranian
Nuclear Scientist. My First Reaction was: Can
I Get One for Christmas? What are the
Controls Like? A Gameboy? Joystick? and
Then after Further Contemplation I Wondered...
What IF We Murdered ALL Nuclear Scientists
Worldwide? They DO EVIL for a Living!
Exterminate The #MAGACrazies!"
"Well," Said Silly Billy... "That's Different... I
Guess out here in the Wilds of Middle America
People Think Differently Than on the Coasts..."
and they eased on down the road...
and... Pretty Soon they Had Arrived at the
Country Club where Jim Fitterling was a
Member... Billy Said: "Hey Dude ( Guy
Guarding the Entrance) "How do you get a
JOB at this Place? Specifically, a Catering
Job?"
and the Dude Replied: "Try the D'Alessandro's
Catering Services at 801 East Wackerly St,
Midland, MI 48642 - Phone: (989) 631-3824 -
I've Got Their Card Right Here... Tell 'em
Johnny Sent You."
and so the Intrepid Travelers turned around
and Drove Over to 8-1 East Wackerly Street...
When they Got to the Caterers office Billy Said: "Hello... I'm Looking for a Job Here...
I've Got Years of Work Experience and...
Not only can I Prepare and Serve Food but I
Can Work as a Bouncer in Case any of the
Guests BECOME A MENACE TO SOCIETY."
and The Dude behind the Counter said:
"Excellent! It Just So Happens that one of Our
Guests Thinks He's God because He's The
CEO of DOW. After a few drinks... He Thinks
Everybody Ought to Be the Mother of His
Children... Even if that's BIOLOGICALY
IMPOSSIBLE!"
"Great! I Can Start Today... and I'll Beat Him
Like a Piñata! Just Grab a Stick and SWING
AWAY!" Said Billy, Silly Willie!
So our Band of Merry Men (and a Merry
Woman) went off in search of a Bag of Weed...
Susan said: "Let's Prepare "Magic Oregano"
Spaghetti AND Alice B Toklas Brownies! That'll
Double the Chance That Mr. "God's Gift to
Women" will eat some Cannabis and Have a
Religious Experience! Possibly Changing the
Future of the World!"
They drove over to the wrong side of the
Tracks and Parked the Car... They were
Walking down the Street Just a Having a
Think when a Snake of a Guy Gave Susan
an Evil Wink...
"Hey Dude... Got any Weed?" asked Susan...
"We Plan to Open the Doors Of Perception."
|
Open the Doors of Perception Gregory Vanderlaan Self Portrait |
and the Dude Said: "We Got Everything! I Run
a One Stop Drugstore Just Like Walgreens...
Except... No Legal Drugs... Go See Them for
that!"
"Fantastic! One Ounce of Humboldt's Finest if
you Please... Sinsemilla..." Said Bob
"Well, I Do Have a Sinsemilla That was Grown
in the Ozarks... They Call it "The Mule" 'cause
it Kicks You In The Head!"
"SOLD!" said Everyone... "Gotta Pipe?"
and they Partook the Gift of the Gods...
Susan Said: "Let's Just Bribe the Guy at the
Caterers to Put our infused Food on the Table
at the Country Club. I Bet he would do it for
$500 Dollars..."
Silly Billy Said: "Great Idea! That way we can
be OUT OF TOWN When Everything Goes
Down... Ya Got Any Money?"
"Well Sure... Ever Since You Showed Me How
I've Been Rich!" Replied Susan
"I'm Glad I Bought That Book
- I Just Wonder... Why is the Author
Selling it for Money? Doesn't He Have
Enough using his own Plan?" Asked Silly Billy
and they Did the Deed... The Guy at the
Catering Service was Totally On Board with
their Plan... Especially after Eating a Brownie...
They Made Sure that He Understood That They
Would be Reading the Midland Newspaper for
Evidence that the Crime Had Actually Been
Committed. If He Just Ate it all himself... or
shared it with his friends... "I'll Be Back!"
and They Eased on Down The Road...
The next adventure took them to... Beautiful
Downtown Burbank... The Home of the Laugh
In TV Show. NBC Studios for Fifty Years!
"All I Remember About That is the Chimes...
Ding, Ding, Ding..." Said Fred...
"Did You know that the NOTES PLAYED by the
Bells are "G", "E" and "C" - The Name of the
Corporation that Owns NBC is General
Electric... So The Bells Play the Name of the
Company...
Said "Mustang" Sally "So Its Subliminal
Programming... a Concept for Brainwashing
that went out of Style in the 1960s...
To be replaced by
BRUTE FORCE REPETITION...
Like all those TV Advertisements for Pharmaceutical Drugs that
show Ecstatic
Dancing...
No Matter What You DO... You
Believe that Product X will turn
you into a
Happy Beautiful Person... "
"Yes... I Noticed That!" Said Silly Billy "And
Trump Uses the Same Mind Control
Propaganda Technique Pioneered by
WW2."
"You don't seem to be too concerned about the
Strangers in the Back Seat anymore." Said
Susan "I Guess that's all Part of the
Hollyweird Lifestyle!"
"YES! Let's Go To The Beach!" Said Fred
"The Closest Beach is the World Famous
Santa Monica Pier!"
|
Santa Monica Pier Map
|
"I Don't Choose to Go There" said Billy "and I'm Driving. Let's Go to Venice Beach.
Home of THE DOORS...
and the Boardwalk Where
|
Harry Perry Guitar Player that Rollerblades down Venice Beach Boardwalk |