The Violet Overgrow - An Eco-Warrior's Journey by Gregory Vanderlaan - [ FICTION ] Not One Word is True... It's all LIES!

"The Time Has Come for the Violet Overgrow of the Ruling Class!" Shouted Suzy into the Megaphone.

"Will You Shut The F*CK UP?" said Billy "Don't You See That Short Haired Guy Wearing a Wig? He's Obviously FBI... We Will Get More Done IF We are a Bit More Clandestine from Here on Out."

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Disclaimer: This Story is Hopelessly Out of Date: It was Written in 2020... a Dark Time in American History... Thankfully, The American People BANISHED tRUMP to Mar-A-Loser, Florida and Democrats Took Control of The White House, The US House of Representatives and The Senate... 

But It May Become All Too REAL if tRUMP Wins in 2024

It was fun to do Forbidden Research for my Novel... Is it possible for a sniper to assassinate Trump while standing on top of a Building in Downtown Washington DC? YES IT IS... If Trump was Making a Speech in the Rose Garden and the Sniper was on 15th Street! The Range of a Rifle make it possible... and there is a rooftop restaurant...

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Chapter Zero: 

"#FRANCE1789 #FRANCE1789" Shouted Suzy into the Megaphone. 

"The EPA=Enable Polluters Agency. Let's Flip The Mission! Bring Back Protection of the Environment! #FRANCE1789 #FRANCE1789"

 

and Everybody Chanted Along... 

"#FRANCE1789... #FRANCE1789..."

They Were at a Protest March in Arcata, CA... Disrupting the Military Industrial Complex... 

Billy Replied: "Oh Susan, You Are Just Preaching to The Choir Here... All These Earth First! People ALREADY Agree With You... Let's Take Our Message to Washington DC and Speak Truth To Power! Let's Go To The Actual EPA and Raise a Ruckus!" and So They DID!

Billy Started Making Plans for "Storming The Castle" and In His Mind He Remembered Exactly What it Looked Like... He Started Daydreaming... Floating Off Into a Trance... ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM

Editor's Note: Remember, Secret Messages are Revealed By Hovering on an Image: Move Your Mouse Onto the Picture and Like Magic, Words Appear!

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But First a Word from My Sponsor!

"Question Authority"

Question Authority button at Zazzle Gregvan

~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~

The EPA Building on the Right

The Smithsonian on the Left.

When He Awoke, He Noticed That Susan Had That Faraway Look in Her Eyes... 

He Said: "Susan, You Have That Faraway Look in Your Eyes... What's Troubling You?"

"Did You Ever Notice That tRUMP'S 'Boogaloo' and Charles Manson's 'Helter Skelter' are THE SAME PLAN? Start a Race War by Having White People Commit Insane Murders and Provide CLUES That Make The Crime Look Like Black People Did It." 

"Well, Yes Susan... There are MANY Similarities Between tRUMP and Manson." Said Billy "Thankfully We Have an Alternative Plan... 'The Violet Overgrow' --- But I Sense That Something Else is Troubling You."

"What Does The Sun Look Like?" Asked Susan... "It's a Valid Question. Since You Can't LOOK At The Sun, It's Difficult To Describe What It LOOKS Like. I Often Lay Awake at Night... Questioning Reality... " 

Billy Replied: "Actually, Susan, You CAN Look at The Sun Without Damaging Your Eyes. On Extremely Smoky Days It Is Possible to Look Directly At It and It Looks Like a Perfect Circle, About the Size of a Quarter Held At Arm's Length. It's an ODD Whitish Orange Red Color. The Smoke Blocks Most of the Sun and so... This is NOT EXACTLY What the Sun Looks Like BUT... It's as Close as We Can Get. With Global Warming Causing Massive Wildfires Here in California... EVERYONE Knows What The Sun Looks Like! And Just by Co-incidence... The MOON Also Looks Like a Perfect Circle, About the Size of a Quarter Held At Arm's Length. A Perfect Example of Random Chance... Not a Hint That the Universe is Organized... or anything Like THAT!"

Photo of The Sun on a SMOKEY Day.

Susan Said: "Oh... I Guess You're Right... Remember Your Uncle George Who Witnessed an Atomic Bomb Explosion When He Was In The Navy? He Said It Had That Same Color."

Billy Replied: "Sure... and He Saw Unidentified Flying Objects Too... Everybody on the Boat Did... But The Captain Told Them: "We Saw Nothing and You Are Never To Talk About This Ever Again."

Susan Said: "I believe that UFOs DO EXIST but the Chances of an Alien Invasion are Remote... There is Just No Need for Trump's Space Force... It's BOGUS!" 

Billy Replied: "Yeah... He's Fighting Off Imaginary Enemies That only Exist in His Diseased Mind. Police Code 5150... "

and Then... Days Later...

Chapter One: 

Billy Awoke One Morning in a Foul Mood... Hungover... and Out of Weed... SO... He Decided to Take ONE Final Action... Since tRUMP's Coronavirus Had Gotten Him Laid Off At Work... and there Was NO One Hiring... He Had Plenty of Time For a Road Trip... So, Off He Went To Washington DC to Perform an EXORCISM at The White House... PAYBACK TIME!

But First... He Had to Do Some Research online about HOW to Build a Homemade Rocket Filled With Napalm... That Could Fly Thru the Air and Blow Up When it Hit A Building and Cause Mayhem...

Susan Said: "Don't Do That Billy... The FBI will Find Out What You Are Searching For on the Internet... and Then Come over Here and Take You Away to One of those Secret Prisons Hidden Deep in the Trinity Alps of California... Why Don't You Read a Good Book Instead?"

and She Handed Billy a Copy of "The Violet Overgrow" [Fiction - Not One Word is True. WINK WINK]

and as Billy Started to Read... The Plot seemed Kinda Familiar... as IF the Author was Able to Read Right Into Billy's MIND... His Innermost Thoughts... and Then when he got to the Part Where he was about to Start His Research online about HOW to Build a Homemade Rocket Filled With Napalm... That Could Fly Thru the Air and Blow Up When it Hit A Building and Cause Mayhem... 

The Character in the Book Named Susan Said: "Don't Do That Billy... The FBI will Find Out What You Are Searching For on the Internet... and Then Come over Here and Take You Away to One of those Secret Prisons Hidden Deep in the Trinity Alps of California... Why Don't You Read a Good Book Instead?"

OMG! I'm Stuck in an Eco-Terrorist Time Trip! - Thought Billy

and She Handed Billy a Copy of "The Violet Overgrow" [Fiction - Not One Word is True. WINK WINK]

and as Billy Started to Read... The Plot seemed Kinda Familiar... as IF the Author was able to read Right Into Billy's MIND... His Innermost Thoughts... Oh No! Not Again!

but then... a Wave of Patriotism Flowed Thru His Body and Billy Decided to ACTUALLY DO the Research, And Actually Build a Home Made Rocket That Explodes When It Hits a Building and Travel to Washington DC... SO... 

He Typed "How To Build a Home Made Napalm Rocket That Explodes When It Hits a Building" into Google and...


At That Instant... Little Timmy of the FBI "Thought Police" Division said... OMG! There's a Patriot out There in East OOGA-Booga That is Planning to Save The Country From Monarchy! Alert the Stormtroopers! Fire UP The Black Helicopters! Start Spreading Camo On Your Face! Alert The Media! It's Showtime!

But Before Little Timmy of the FBI "Thought Police" Division Arrived... Billy Had Gotten in His Truck and Drove On Down the Road... To Safety...  

The First Place He Stopped Was That Secret Spot on the EEL River Just South The Avenue of the Giants Visitors Center. (Near Eureka, CA) - The Garden Club of America Grove...  It Had a Footbridge Over The EEL River about a Quarter Mile Upstream That is Hidden from View... Almost NO ONE Knows It Is There and Once You Walk Over the Bridge... That Part of the World is a HUMAN FREE ZONE... Billy Relaxed a Bit... and Took a Nap... He Was Safe... HUMANS Are Dangerous but the Wild Animals are NO PROBLEM... 

After Spending the Night in the Woods, Billy Decided to Continue His Trip All The Way Across the Country... So He Went South on Highway 101 and then East on Highway 80... Past Lake Tahoe and Reno and Out into the Nevada Desert... Then He Pulled into a Motel 6 and Rested for the Night... He Felt that The FBI Had Lost Interest and Was No Longer Concerned About Him and So He Used His Own Debit Card... The Next Morning He Awoke Bright and Early... or at least Early if Not Exactly "Bright." It Was a Cloudy Day That Morning at the Motel 6...

Soon he Had Traveled All the Way Across Nevada and as Soon as He Passed Wendover... He Was in the Bonneville Salt Flats! He Enjoyed the Mirages WAY Far Away... It Looked Like There Was a Lake Out There... and the Reflections of the Distant Mountains Made a Cigar Shape... 

But Billy Kept on Driving... Stopping At Dan's Grocery Store in Salt Lake City for Supplies... The Clerks Were Very Friendly and Helpful... After All, Billy Was a White Man... Part of the Tribe... 

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and Then UP The Giant Mountain Behind Salt Lake City... Ignoring the Turnoff to Park City... and Just Drove for Days and Days and Days and Eventually he Arrived at a Friends Home in Manassas, Virginia... There They Assembled the Rocket and Locked it in the Trunk... Under a Blanket... So if Billy and His Friend "K3" Ever Got Stopped by the Porkers... Maybe the Inspection of the Car would Over Look The Weapon...

They Drove Down Highway #66... and As They Approached the Potomac River... Things Started to Look Familiar... There was the Kennedy Center on the Left and The Lincoln Memorial on the Right...

and Down Constitution Ave and They Took a Left Hand Turn Onto The Ellipse... 

But He Found That The Road Was Blocked! As A Matter of Fact, a Giant Wall Surrounds the White House on All Sides... This EXORCISM is Going to Be More Difficult Than Originally Planned... SO... He Turned Around and Drove Back towards the River on Constitution Ave... He Needed to Take Some Time to THINK! So He Parked Next to The Einstein Statue and... 

As He Gazed Upon the Great Man... He Realized That There Were MANY TARGETS... But He Still Preferred The White House... Maybe If He Approached the Target From The North... So He Drove Over to 16th Street and "H" Street... Now Called "Black Lives Matter" Boulevard... Right Next To Lafayette Park... and Easy Walk to the White House... 

After All... tRUMP Walked It So He Could Do A Photo OP Holding a Copy of "1984" by George Orwell... A Part of tRUMP's Read a Book Campaign 

As Time Passed Billy and "K3" Lost Their Enthusiasm for Their Plan to Firebomb the White House with a Rocket... It's Just too Well Fortified... That Giant Wall All The Way Around Reminded Them Of The GREEN ZONE in Baghdad... 

New Wall Around the White House in Washington DC

Take a Break from this Story and 

Visit my Free Coloring Book Page on Wordpress....

https://purple64ets.wordpress.com/2020/10/08/gvan42-free-coloring-book-print-as-many-copies-as-you-like-and-share-with-friends-big-fun-for-the-whole-family/

and now Back to the Story...

"K3" Said: "Let's Make a Different Plan... Why Don't We Ask For Local Advice? Those Bureau of Land Management Protesters Seem To Have a Plan for The Violet Overgrow of the Military Industrial Complex... or Something! Sir or Madam... What Are You BLM Protesters Doing Here? Do You Need Any Help? What ARE The Land Management Issues You Seem to Care So Much About?"

and they Said: "WTF! BLM Stands For Black Lives Matter! and NO... We Don't Need Your Help... What We Need Is For The POLICE to Stop Murdering Unarmed Black Men! THAT'S What We Need!"

At That Moment... UP Drove Susan (Remember Susan? This is a Story About Susan)  in a Cab... "Guys! Guys! Over Here!" I've Come to VOLUNTEER! and They All Started Singing and Dancing That Jefferson Airplane Song Right There in the Middle of "H" Street! (Now Called Bureau of Land Management Blvd)

and Then Billy Said: "Thanks For Appearing at Just the Right Time... Those BLM Protesters Were Starting to Get UGLY! I Was Concerned That They Might FREAK OUT! Where Have You Been All This Time? I Thought You Were Safe at Home in Arcata, CA... "

and Susan Said: "How Could I Let You Have All The FUN? I Just Took an Airplane to Reagan National Airport and Rode the Metro over Here... Say... Weren't You Going to Visit the Enable Polluters Agency?"

and Billy Took a Deep Breath and Said: "No, YOU wanted to Visit the EPA... That was YOUR Goal... MY Goal was to Shoot a Rocket into the White House and Set It on Fire With Napalm. Similar Goals but Slightly Different."

and then Susan Said: "Don't Do That! You Are Sure to Get Arrested and Have to Spend Decades in a Secret Government Prison in the Trinity Alps... Why Not Read a Good Book Instead?" and She Handed Him a Copy of... You Guessed It... "The Violet Overgrow" [Fiction - Not One Word is True. Wink Wink]

"K3" Said: "Why Don't We Take a Break? All This Madness is Driving Me Crazy! Let's Find Some Legal Weed and Go to the Air and Space Museum..."

and then "K3" Continued: "Dear BLM Protester, Would You Like to Buy a Napalm filled Rocket? It Flies Through The Air and Explodes when It Hits a Building... CHEAP! Only 5 Easy Payments of $19.99 - Deep Discount for CASH... A Portrait of Benjamin Franklin... and It's YOURS!"

The BLM Protester Said: "SURE! I'd Love to Buy Your Rocket... I Can Sell That to a Crack Dealer I Know in South East for a Thousand!"

"K3" Said: "Here You Go... ENJOY! By The Way... WHY Would They Want Such a Weapon?"

and The BLM Protester Said: "So They Can Burn Down Their Competition's Crack House... Monopolize The Market! Become King of South East!

and That's What They Did!

"Look! There is a Parking Space Right in front of That Bus!" They All Shouted at the Same Time... 

"Pass That Reefer." Said Billy

and Then they Went In... To Watch That Classic Movie "The Dream is Alive" Featuring Shuttle Astronaut (with the Amazing Zero Gravity Floating Hair) Kathryn Sullivan at the IMAX Theater...

https://airandspace.si.edu/events/dream-alive-thanks-imax-camera

"K3" Said: "What if We Used a Technological Weapon at the White House Instead of Burning it Down? I Remember There Was Some Research We Did Years Ago  Into a SONIC Device That Would Drive "The Enemy" Insane and Also Cause Them to Sh*T Their Pants... It Was Basically a Loudspeaker That Played an 8 Hz Sine Wave at 140 dB... As Everyone Knows... Super Bass Drives You Crazy... Notice That Technique Used in What They Call RAP "Music" - It Automatically Makes People Angry."

Susan Said: "Great Idea! Let's Go To Our Friendly Neighborhood Radio Shack and Get the Parts Required to Build Such a Device..." 

and Off They Went to The Mall at Manassas...   Hopefully They Had an 18" Woofer in Stock... OR MAYBE TWO! "K3" already owned an Ancient Korg Synthesizer That Was Able to Create That Especially Low Frequency Note... They Could Simply Play the Note REALLY LOUD and Point The Speaker At The White House From a Location on 16th Street & "H" Street (Now called Black Lives Matter Blvd) ... Everyone In That Area Would GO CRAZY! Including All The Employees at The White House, The Old Executive Office Building and Blair House. MASS PANIC! But NO EFFECT at The Old Ebbit Grill... They Would Be Safe!

after they spent the afternoon building a portable synthesizer system into the trunk of "K3" car... 

"K3" Said: Let's Go Commit Our Eco-Warrior Action AT THE PENTAGON! That's The One Place in the World Where the Security Cameras FAIL... after all, There are No Photographs of an Airplane Crashing on 9/11/2001. We'll be Totally UNTRACEABLE."

And Suzy Said: "Great Idea... We Certainly Don't Want to be FILMED!"

and So they all agreed to test it at the Pentagon... In Northern Virginia... They Could Park in an Employee Parking Lot and Face the Car Away from the Pentagon... Open the Trunk... and Place the Two 18" Woofers against some pillows... No Real Need for Speaker Enclosures... Just Use The Entire Back of the Car to Direct the Sound...

  "K3" Stretched His Fingers and Started Plying the Close Encounters Theme... Do Do Do Do DUH... and When He Hit the Last Note... He Pushed the Hold Button so the Note would play Forever and Turned UP The Resonance on the Band Pass Filter... and Turned the Knob Controlling the Center Point Down, Down, Down, Down, Down, Down Past the Threshold of Human Hearing... and... While Keeping an Eye on the Frequency Counter... The Note Went Past 40Hz and Slid Down to Exactly EIGHT CYCLES PER SECOND... and Then... All of A Sudden... ALL THE AUTOMOBILE BURGLAR ALARMS WENT OFF!

And Susan Started Screaming! "AAAH, AAAAAH, AAAOOOUUUEEEE, AEIOU  EIEIO!"

Susan Said: "Stop, Stop, Stop. This Entire Plan Is Insane! Let's GTFO! Before all those Soldiers Come Out... and Lock Us Up in a Secret Military Prison Hidden Deep in the Trinity Alps!"

Billy Hugged Her and Said in a Soothing Voice: "Relax Susan, It's All In Your Head... The Fear Frequency is Causing You To FREAK OUT! I Feel it TOO But... I Knew It was Coming and Used a Jedi Mind Trick to Refuse To Accept ARTIFICIAL MIND PANIC... Intentionally Focus Your Attention on a Pleasant Memory and The MADNESS HAS NO POWER OVER YOU."

Susan Said: "OK... I'll Remember that Sunny Day We Were Swimming Nude in Butte Creek... When We Were First Dating... and How It Felt Like We Were Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden."

Billy Said: "Good Plan... I Remember that Day... I Swam the Butterfly Across the Lake Splashing as Much as I Could... I Hoped to Impress You... After All, You WERE a Surfer Girl..."

and they both said: "AHHHH..." 

and Then "K3" Said: "Wait a Moment. Let Me Engage the Vocoder... It's Time to Imprint The Soldiers With a Post Hypnotic Suggestion... Behavior Modification Engage!"

and Then The Synthesizer Noise was Modulated By Human Speech... A Similar Effect to The Doors - Strange Days (Official Video) or the Peter Frampton's Song "Do You Feel Like We Do?" - You Know... That "Talking Guitar" Thing!

and The Synth "Said" - "Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, #FRANCE1789 - Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, #FRANCE1789 - Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, Go AWOL, #FRANCE1789"

"K3" Said: "My Work Here is Finished... Let's GTFO!"

and they Drove South On Highway 95 Towards Florida... Disney World and EPCOT... 

Billy Said: "Let's Stop at a Motel and Watch the Evening News. We'll Use Susan's Credit Card So We Do Not Create a Pattern of Purchases That The FBI Can Trace... and... I want to Do This Again on the Banks of the Potomac in Alexandria. The Sound will be able to be Heard over at DARPA Headquarters on Bolling Air Force Base and all the Way to Georgetown... THAT Should FREAK "The Man" OUT..."

"K3" Said: "Great Idea... How's This Motel Thing Gonna Work Out? Three People, One Room..."

Billy Said: "We'll Just Make a Susan Sandwich... No Problem... Right Honey Bunny?"

Susan Said: "Sure Thing, Pumpkin..."

So They Checked Into The No-Tell Motel and...

[The Rest of this Chapter Has Been Redacted

 - Community Standards -

and... 

 I Do Not Want to Go to a Secret Prison

In the Trinity Alps of California...] 

Chapter Two:

Susan Turned on The TV and... The Announcer Said... 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,[Except Blacks and Women] that they are endowed by their Creator [Named Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Odin, Thor, KRSNA, Buddha or a Thousand Other Names] with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”[Unless your Pursuit uses Marijuana or Psychedelics as a Sacrament] - DANG... So Many Disclaimers... Was This Written by a Freaking Lawyer? "

 He Shook His Head in Disgust and Then Said:

"Welcome To Mugwump's Adventures of an Average Family Living a Standard Life... Brought to You By MugWump's Magic Mushrooms! True Enlightenment in Every Bite!

Billy, Unimpressed,  Changed the Channel and... The TV Said: POW! ZING! Ka Blooey! It's the Murder Mystery Channel... All Gore All the Time... and Tonight: "Blue Cheese Gone Bad!"

Still Looking for Something Worthy He Changed The Channel Again: "Smoking Weed In Little Vietnam... alongside Highway 17 in Los Gatos, CA"

and Then: Do the Math: a silly story… Absurdist Fiction! Not one word is True... [wink, wink]

and Then: Allah and Moe Were Drinking a Beer at The Mecca Bar and Grill When Suddenly...

and Then on Free Speech TV: How to Disrupt the Military Industrial Complex. A Step by Step Guide to the Violet Overgrow of the US Government. 

and Then On PBS World: #FRANCE1789 The Violet Overgrow is Coming. The Failure of the Ruling Class Is Obvious. Join Us at The White House for an EXORCISM... Bring a Whistle! Trump Loves Whistle Blowers!

Billy Said: "There is Nothing ON!" and He Picked up His Shotgun and Blew a Hole Right in the TV Tube...

"Oh Great!" Said Susan "Now How are We Gonna See Ourselves on the Evening GNUs???"

"Don't Worry... Well Watch it in the Bar..." Said "K3"

They Walked Over to The Bar and... at that instant "K4" (Ken's Son) Called on the Phone and Said: "Did You See Yourself on the NEWS? It's the #1 Story... Wild Speculation of an Alien Invasion... Everybody is Now Calling for a Budget Increase for tRUMP'S Space Force... There is a Belief that Aliens are Going to Invade the USA and Everybody Has a Feeling of PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! --- OOPS! That Isn't What You Have Hoped to Happen... Was It? Anyway, I Want To Join You! Where are You?"

and "K3" Said: "Kenny, are You Surrounded by FBI Agents Right Now? Is THAT The Reason You Want To Know Where We Are?"

"Of Course... There are Eight of them Sitting Around our Dining Room Table Right Now... and Little Timmy of the Thought Police is Their Leader..." Said "K4"

WHACK! Went a Fist into "K4's" Face... WHACK WHACK!

"I Told You Not To Reveal Our Home Invasion Until AFTER You Found Out Where The Eco-Terrorists Were..." Said Little Timmy... "And You Blew Our Secret Mission!"

"Well, It Wasn't Really Very Difficult For Dad to Guess That I Was Being Held Hostage... My Behavior was Totally Out of Character... I NEVER Want to Join in any of Dad's "Reindeer Games! You Made me Sound Like Rudolph The Red! " Said "K4"

"Hand the Phone to Little Timmy. I've Got a Few Things To Say to Him... " Said "K3" 

[This Rest of This Conversation Redacted - Community Standards]

Billy Said: "We Better GTFO! Let's Drive over to The Headquarters of The Earth Liberation Front Headquarters... No One in Lawn Farcement Knows Where their Secret Hideout Is!" 

and they Jumped in the Car and Drove off... and Surprisingly they ended up at a Mansion in McLean Virginia...

"Ding Dong" said the Doorbell... 

The Scruffy Man Who Answered the Door Let them in and Immediately they went to the Basement... "No One is Allowed Upstairs in this House... My Grandfather Owns Many Priceless Antiques and We ALL Will Be in Trouble is any of them Got Broken... and That Is My Brother's Room... He's in there Playing Dungeons and Dragons With His Friends... They Won't Bother You... " Said "Fred" (not his real name) - "What Brings You To My Pit of Endless Depravity, Virginia?"

"K3" Said: We're looking for a Linear Amplifier for a CB Radio... Since You Have Your Fingers in Many Different Crime Syndicates, We Thought of You... and We Had to Get Away From The Man.  We just Played an Absurdist Concert at The Pentagon... Spreading FEAR and INSANITY Among the Soldiers..."

Fred Said: "Sure, Let Me Make Some Phone Calls... I'll Be Right Back... Feel Free to Play With any of My Toys... You'll Probably Enjoy this Antique Synthesizer... It Was made in Japan Before The Dawn of Time... as a Matter of Fact, That's one of the Pre-Programmed Patches - The Dawn of Time Sound Effect!"

"Yeah, It's Great" Said Greg.

 

They Hadn't Paid much Attention to The Guy Sitting in  a Corner Reading a Book... He Looked Really Spaced Out and They Were Surprised to hear Him Say Anything. 

"What are You Reading?" asked Susan. 

"The Biography of Alfred Hitchcock... The Dark Side of Genius." said Greg.

"OH" Said Susan." Bored, She Turned Away,  and Asked "K3" "Why Do We Want a Linear Amplifier for a CB Radio?"

"That Way We Can Force Our Message To Everyone Using Any Electronic Device That Has Any Kind of Audio Output... Including The Microphones at the US Senate... Imagine What Would Happen to #MoscowMitch if He Was Talking on the Senate Floor and MY VOICE came out on TV... The CB Signal is so Powerful That It Creeps Into The Wires Connecting ANY Equipment and Distorts Any Music or Speech That is Being Played... Creepy!" Said "K3" "You've Heard It at My House When a Trucker Drives By... You Hear Weird Voices Talking... Saying '10-4 Good Buddy' and Other Pointless YADDA -YADDA... Sometimes Those Truck Drivers Really Are Babylon Sisters... They Babble On and On and On... "

Fred Returned... "I Found What You Wanted... Let's GO! It's All The Way Out in Winchester, Virginia at That Jesus Freak Cult... Remember Lumpy the Biker? He's Got One..."

TIME PASSED... A FEW DAYS LATER THEY HAD IT ALL BUILT AND WERE READY TO DEPLOY THE CB RADIO WITH A LINEAR... 

As They Approached the US Capitol, They Looked for a Good Place to Park... Where They Would Not be Stopped by "The Man" 

An Excellent Parking Spot on 3rd Street South East 

Near The Folger Shakespeare Library

"K3" Started Keying the Microphone... To Send Out a Signal... DOT DOT DOT DASH DASH DASH DOT DOT DOT... He Keyed "SOS" In Morse Code... 

Susan Had the TV in the Back of the Car Tuned to C-SPAN and Sure Enough... There Were "Technical Difficulties" and #MoscowMitch WAS Unable to Continue His Speech... 

Then "K3" Started Speaking into the Microphone... but Susan said: "Give Me That! I've Been Very Patient With You Guys BUT NOW IT'S MY TURN! 

Clearing Her Throat So She Could Be Understood... "tRUMP's EPA=Enable Polluters Agency." Shouted Suzy into the Microphone. "Let's Flip The Mission! Bring Back Protection of the Environment! #FRANCE1789" and She Repeated Herself Many Times!

"OK, Let's GTFO!" Said Susan "I've Got an Idea... Let's Take a Break and Do Something FUN! We Have to Avoid Contact With The Authorities and a GREAT Way to Do That is Whitewater Rafting on the Shenandoah River... This CB Radio Antenna Will Blend In With The Locals... No One Will Suspect a Thing!"

and They Cruised on Down The Road... Out Highway 66 and then on Number 211 to LURAY, Virginia... 

They First stopped at the World Famous Luray Caverns... and Marveled at the Stalactite Pipe Organ that Played the Song Shenandoah... 

and then Down The River Past Harpers Ferry... It Was a gentle Ride and That Took Their Minds off EcoTerrorism... Because, The Environment in the Shenandoah Valley is IDEAL! and On A Beautiful Day, It's Difficult The Believe the Outside World Exists... 

They Got Out of the Water and Toured the Famous Armory... Where during the Civil War, The North Made Rifles... Giving Them an Advantage over The South... Because a Rifle Bullet Can Travel Farther Than a Musket Ball... and so... A Rifleman Could Stand OUT OF RANGE and Kill His Opponent... THAT'S Why John Brown Wanted This Place! 

"Gee, I Didn't Know That!" Said Billy "I Just Thought John Brown Was Famous For Being on the Album Cover for The Rock Band KANSAS!" 

 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kansas_(Kansas_album)

Susan Said: "Since We Are Right Here, Let's Go Visit Randy! He's Got That Farm in West Virginia Where they Have Those Rock Concerts on the Weekend."

So They Drove Up To a Remote Location and... The Dogs Started Barking Wildly... Six Doberman Pinchers and a Poodle Surrounded their Car... Randy Came out Holding a Shotgun and Said: "Oh It's You... DOGS STAND DOWN!"

Billy Said: "How is it Going? Are You Still Doing "Hillbilly Genetic Engineering" on Weed?"

"Yes I Am... and You are Just In Time To Sample the Latest Life Form! I Call It "The Mule" 'cause It Kicks You in the Head..." said Randy... "I found the Engineering Plans on the Internet on a "What If" Website... Check It Out!"

What IF We Built a Radioactive Ant Farm with Magic Mushroom and Cannabis Roots? Would a DIFFERENT SPECIES OF ANT EVOLVE? GODZILLA?

At an Existing Anthill, Throw some Radioactive Americium-241 from a Smoke Detector Down the Hole... Then Plant some Psilocybin and Amanita Muscaria Mushrooms Nearby so the Mycelium (roots) Grow Throughout The Colony ... and a Ring of Cannabis Plants with Their Roots Intermingling as Well. The Ants Could Eat the Fruiting Bodies of the Mushrooms and The Pollen, Leaves and Flowers from the Kind Bud (Marijuana). As We Have Learned in Chernobyl, Some Fungus Thrives on Radioactive Waste... REALLY! It would be best if We Just Left the Plants and Animals Alone and Came Back once a Year to See What Happens... Definitely, allow Both the Male and Female Marijuana Plants to Grow and Produce seeds... NO Sinsemilla Farming Technique! Do That Somewhere ELSE. OF COURSE, You Could use Atomic Waste from an Abandoned Power Plant BUT That would be VERY Dangerous... Illegal... and a Menace to Society... What IF That Radioactive Waste got into the drinking water? 

If this Ant Farm Works, We Ought to Create One Near the Abandoned Atomic Waste Surrounding All Those Nuclear Power Plants... Diablo Canyon, San Onofre, TMI, Humboldt Bay...  The Hanford Site in Eastern Washington State, Nevada Test Site, Los Alamos, Tennessee... etc etc etc... and Definitly Rocketdyne Test Facility near Los Angeles (the one that burned to the ground During a Wildfire)... 

drawing of a mushroom - Free Coloring Book - gvan42

"Wow" Said Susan... "That Might Be Interesting! Let's Smoke Some." 

and she went into a Dream World... She Imagined That She was in an OCCUPATION of 555 California Street, San Francisco. She Remembered that Donald Trump Owned 30% of that Building... and That He Was Having TROUBLE Collecting the Rent... Because EVERYONE WAS FLEEING SAN FRANCISCO due to The Coronavirus and There Was an Excess of Office Space... Many People were Working from Home on their own Computers and... Frankly Speaking, If There was a Great FIRE and the building BURNED TO THE GROUND... Trump Would Collect More from The Insurance Company Than The Building was Worth... So That's Why People Were Staging an OCCUPATION... No One Could Commit ARSON While People Were Inside... It's the Same Philosophy as Tree Sitters used In Humboldt County To Protect The Redwoods!

and then The Mushrooms wore off and she realized that she was in West Virginia on a Farm... 

"Hey! I Gotta make a Phone Call... and Tell "Red" Sonya To Organize a Protest! OCCUPY 555 California Street, SF, CA!"

and Then... Susan's Phone Rang! It Was "Red" Sonya... "I Was Just Thinking About You..." Said "Red" Sonya... "Did You See On The News That The US Senate Confirmed "Back to the Coathanger" Amy Barrett to Be a Supreme Court Justice? I Thought You Were Going to Prevent That From Happening Using Your Techno Weapons."

"Well, We Failed at that BUT... We Can Lead the "IMPEACH AMY" Movement... Hey Guys... Vacation's Over... We Are Needed in Washington, DC!" said Susan.

and they loaded up the truck and started Driving OUT of the Mountains of West Virginia and Down Highway #270 Thru Gaithersburg, Rockville and Silver Spring, Maryland... and then South on #29 Until It Becomes 6th Street NW... Took a Left on Pennsylvania Ave and Then Constitution Ave and a Right on First Street ARRIVING AT THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES... 

"Activate the Sonic Weapon! Said Susan... 

"Uh, In a Minute... I Gotta find a Place to Park." Said Fred...

"Fred? How Did YOU Get into This Story?" asked Susan...

"Uh, I've Been Here All Along But I'm a Kinda Quiet Guy... You Might Have Not Noticed Reality... and Missed Me... What With Loudmouths Like Billy and "K3" and all those Brand GNU Psychedelics You've Been Smoking..." Said Fred... "Oh Look, Here is a Spot! Open the Trunk and Engage Cosmic Freakout!"

and the Sound went Down Down Down Past the Range of Human Hearing... Dogs Started Barking... Cats Starts Howling... Car Alarms Went Off... and The People Walking Around and Around The Supreme Court Building with Protest Signs Started Dancing as If They Had Taken a Prescription Drug Advertised on TV or Bought Plastic Crap from Wayfair! ECSTATIC DANCING! 

"You Know What We Really Need These Days?" asked Fred "A Group Like the Weather Underground! Where are Those Bomb Throwing Anarchists Now That We Really Need Them? OH, My Phone is Ringing... I'll Be Right Back."

and Fred Answered the Phone... It Was "Unknown Caller" from the Techno Pop Group "Lads Gone Native" - "I Hear You Need Some Help... Maybe a Little ____ _________ ________ _____ ? Well We Can Help You! Come on Out to Our Secret Hideout and Let's Get Ready To RUMBLE!"

Fred Shook His Head... "How Did He KNOW?"

When the Got to the Secret Hideout... They Were Introduced to "Louis Ritz" - a Fellow that worked in the Computer Industry But HAS NO DATA on Google Search... A Real Live Boy but TOTALLY UNKNOWN TO THE HIVE MIND... and So, a Perfect Person to Play the Part of "The Sniper" in a FICTION STORY... [Disclaimer - No I Have Never Googled Untraceable Poison on the Computer at the Library using the Screen Name "John Smith" - You'll Have to Ask John Smith About That] 

So "Louis Ritz" (Slogan - there is only one Ritz) took an Uber over to The POV Bar... a Place That Has a Rooftop Bar Overlooking the White House... A Perfect Location for a Sniper... or Someone Who Wants to Relax and Have a Frosty Beverage While Admiring the View... at 515 15th Street, NW

Washington, D.C. 20004 

https://www.povrooftop.com/

 

Obviously "Louis Ritz" was Interested in Frosty Beverages... Or At Least That's What He Would Say if Confronted by any "Men in Black." 

View of the White House from The Bar 

Called POV Rooftop.

On this Visit, "Louis Ritz" Was Doing Research... and Getting "Sh*tFaced" on Booze... Next Time He Came Here He Would Be Working as a Waiter... and Have Access to The Actual Roof... Where he Would Set Up His Sniper Nest... So He Bribed The Waiter and Was Shown the Ladder to The Roof... and For an Extra $100.00 Get the Key... Hey, a Waiter Has to Earn a Living Somehow... and With Plausible Deniability... Sure, Here's The Key... Have Fun...

Time Passed [What else would time do?] and "Louis Ritz" applied for a Job at the Recording Connection Audio Institute... a Business that Shares the Same Roof as the POB Bar and Grill and the Same Excellent Sniper Position... The Plan to Pretend to Be a Waiter Was Cancelled Because an Old Fat White Man would Never PASS for Being a Waiter... Now SOUND Engineer? Sure... He Had "That Look!" 

Before Applying for this Job, He Calculated to See If The White House Was Within Range of a Sniper's Rifle. YES, IT IS! It's Between 700 and 1,100 Feet to the White House and Snipers Can Shoot 600 Meters (1969 Feet) Easily... Sometimes MUCH MORE! All Systems GO! Full Speed Ahead!

 https://www.businessinsider.com/top-us-army-sharpshooters-reveal-how-to-shoot-like-a-sniper-2019-2

Satellite View of The Bar Called POV Rooftop. 

Near the White House. Revealing the Names of All the Businesses Nearby... Thanks, Google Maps... That's a Great Feature: "NEARBY"

Later That Week "Louis Ritz" Climbed up onto the Roof of the POV Bar and Grill at the Same time as a Super Spreader Event in the Rose Garden. He Who Shall Not Be Named was Holding a Celebration for the Next Supreme Court Judge's Confirmation... After He Appointed Brat Kava Kava Noogie and "Back to the Coathanger" Amy... The NEXT Appointment was Rude Julie Anna... who somehow had NOT lost his License to Practice Law... AMAZING... So... "Louis Ritz" raised the Sniper Rifle and Put His Eye to the Scope and... as He was About to Pull the Trigger... 

His Head was Blown OFF! 

The Secret Service Has Snipers of their Own and THEY SHOT FIRST! No Hesitation. No Wondering IF They Were Doing The Right Thing. No Pondering the Consequences. Just Shoot First RIGHT NOW! It was a Surprise to "Louis Ritz" But NOT a Surprise to Those Men Standing On the Top of the White House... They Routinely Check ALL the Buildings Nearby The White House... As a Matter of Fact, The Waiter at the POV Rooftop SOLD OUT "Louis Ritz" for $500.00 - Yep, Information is VERY Valuable to The Secret Service... That's Exactly How to Play the Game in Big Time Washington DC... Get Both Sides to Pay... and Become a Double Triple Secret Agent...

When Billy and Suzy Found Out that their Friend was dead... They Decided to GTFO! "This isn't a Joke anymore." Said Billy "Let's GTFO!" and That's Exactly What they Did... They Hopped in the Car and Drove West on Highway #66... Singing... "If You Ever Plan to Motor West... Take My Way, It's The Highway That's the Best... Get Your Kicks on Route #66" 

"Did You Know That Song was Written About a Totally Different Road?" asked Suzy... "Listen to The Words... It Goes from Chicago to LA... 2,000 Miles along the Way..."

"Who Cares? Exclaimed Billy "We're Young, Alive, In Love and Driving in a Convertible Car! Life Doesn't Get any Better Than This!"

"You're Right." Sighed Suzy... "Let's Drop off "K3" at His House in Manassas, VA and then Eat That Psychedelic Called IT290... Just Like Ken Kesey Did on the Magic Bus Trip... Coming BACK from New York City... It's Great for Lovers... A Peaceful Trip"

THE END! or is Just the Beginning of a New Adventure? 

Anyway... The World Was Safe For Democracy Again...  Until Next Week... Stay Tuned, Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel!

~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~

DISCLAIMER

~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~

Hey NSA Employees... and FBI Agents... 

This is All Just an Amusing Hobby of Mine - Writing ABSURDIST FICTION - No Need 

to Come Visit Me... at 527 B-1 Wilson Bridge 

Drive, Oxon Hill, Maryland... an Easy 

Commute to Downtown Washington DC... 

and NO, I Don't Plan to ___________ 

_________ _____. After All, Joe Biden 

Won the 2020 Election and Trump Will Be INCARCERATED SOON... 

Unless He Flees The Country and Goes to 

Live in Moscow... In That Case... 

I Hope The Russian Mafia Forgives Him 

For Defaulting On Loans... 

~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~

PART TWO: "Doing Evil for Money - A Novel" 

Chapter Zero: A Continuation of

"The Violet Overgrow: An Eco-Warrior's

Journey" 

They Were Motoring West on Route 66 When

Susan Said: "Check This Out... I'm 

Reading this Website and The Guy 

Says: "We hold these truths to be 

self-evident, that all men are created 

equal, [Except Blacks and Women] 

that they are endowed by their Creator 

[Named Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Odin, Thor, 

KRSNA, Buddha or a Thousand 

Other Names] with certain unalienable 

Rights, that among these are Life, 

Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

[Unless your Pursuit uses Marijuana 

or Psychedelics as a Sacrament] - 

DANG... So Many Disclaimers... Was 

This Written by a Freaking Lawyer? 

Pretty Damn Insightful... Ya Think?"

Billy Answered: " I Don't Worry About Stuff

Like That. Being a White Male, All That

Discrimination Talk is Not Interesting to Me.

It's Like Rap Music... Endless Complaining

About How Life SUCKS For Black People...

Valid, True, Accurate BUT... I Just Couldn't

Care Less..."

and they Eased on Down the Road...  

"You Know What I'd Like to Do? Asked Billy

"I'd Like to Feed the CEO of Dow Chemical a

Couple of Cannabis Cookies and See if It's

Possible to FLIP THE SCRIPT of His Life from

DOING EVIL FOR MONEY to Doing Good For

The Planet!"

"Ok" Said Susan... His House is Right on the

Way... about a Thousand Miles Ahead... 

and they Eased on Down the Road... 

"Since You've Got Google on that Phone...

Find out Who It Is..."

"It's Jim Fitterling.." Said Susan... "and Here

are Directions To His Country Club... The

Midland Country Club at 1120 W St Andrews

Rd, Midland, Michigan... Thank You Google

maps..."

"Next Stop, Where the Thumb Meets the

Index Finger in 'It's a Mitten', Michigan!" Said

Billy.

Map to the Villain's Lair... 

Then Billy Said: "Susan, You've Got That 

Faraway Look In Your Eye... What are You 

Wondering About?"

And Susan Replied: "I've always questioned

what was happening BEFORE the Big Bang.

Did Gravity Cause the Universe to Collapse

into One Unstable point That Subsequently

Blew UP? Was Our Big Bang One of Billions

of Big Bangs? Stretching Back through time...

Forever and Ever... Amen?"

Billy Said: "Well, We'll Never Know the Answer 

To That One, But... "

and at That Moment a Fully Loaded Logging 

Truck Blew Its Horn! HOOOONNNNKKKK! 

Billy, Lost in thought, had drifted over the 

Center Line on the Road and was Headed for 

a Fatal Car Crash... at The Very The Last 

Moment He Swerved and Saved All Three of 

Their Lives! 

"Thank God You Didn't Run Head on into that 

Fully Loaded Logging Truck. Said Susan... 

"That's a Little Reminder that REALITY EXISTS 

No Matter What You Believe."

"Let's Go to an AA Meeting on the Way to The 

Evil One's Lair." Said Billy. "This Near Death 

Experience has Given Me a Great Desire for a 

Drink... and When I Have a Great Desire for a 

Drink, I Go to an AA Meeting... "

"OK, I'll Look Up a Schedule for a Nearby 

Meeting... BINGO! Here's One in the Town of 

Springfield. Right Next to The Legendary Four 

Corners... Where the States of California, 

Rhode Island, Minnesota, Colorado and New 

Mexico Meet." Said Susan...

and they drove on down the road... and Pulled 

into the Parking Lot... They Spotted that 

Familiar Circle and Triangle Symbol and All of 

a Sudden... They Felt at Home... They Shook 

Hands and Got a Cup of Coffee, Had a Seat... 

After a Half Hour Billy Said: "Hello: My Name 

is Greg and I'm an Alcoholic."

"Hello Greg." said Everybody... 

Billy Said: "I Never Use My Real Name Except 

Here... Here I Can Tell the Truth About 

Everything. I've Been Exploring Self Hypnosis 

as an Alternative to Drug Abuse. For Example: 

This Animation... It's a Dancing Mugwump! 

I believe That I Can Get Even Higher That I Got 

on Psychedelics... Maybe I'm Wrong but I'm 

Just Too Damn Old For Chemicals... "

And Then Little Timmy of the FBI Thought 

Crimes Division Quietly Stood Up and Walked 

Out to The Parking Lot... To Get Better 

Cellphone Reception... Supposedly... He Said 

into the Phone: "Honey Bunny, Get Me Major 

Wanker of GCHQ."

The Phone made a lot of Beeps and Boinks and 

then Major Wanker Was on the Line... All the 

Way From England!

Little Timmy Said: "Sir We Have Located Him... 

He's Right Here in the Four Corners Area of the 

USA."

and Major Wanker Said: 

"*#$%@#*&^%^!@#$**%

**^$#**&^%$!#&:" 

Because at That Very Moment 

Their Scrambler 

Phone Lost It's Mind... 

"Dang!" Said Little Timmy "Now I'll Never 

Know What To Do! I Guess I'll Do Nothing... 

Because That Way I Can Do Nothing Wrong." 

"Good Plan, NARC!" Said Susan "I Saw You 

Leave the Meeting and Wondered What You 

Were Up To... So I followed You Out Here and 

Heard Every Word You said... and Every Word 

Major Wanker Said... You were Holding the 

Phone Away from Your Ear Because He was 

Talking So Loudly...  Your Super Duper Data 

Encryption is Useless if a Person Can Just 

HEAR YOU TALK... Anyway... I Disabled Your 

Car and Here Comes Silly Billy in OUR CAR... 

so Sayonara! Hasta La Vista, Baby!"

and they Eased on Down the Road... Leaving 

Little Timmy Behind... and he was SO Sad... 

WAH!

Bill turned on the Car Radio: "Did You Ever 

Hear This?"

https://youtu.be/T1NN2AiT_Dc (AUDIO) 

Local Experts Record Chorus of Humpback 

Whales Singing Same Song Off the 

Humboldt Coast... 

Soon they Arrived at [Location to be 

Determined by Random Location Program] 

and Billy Said: "Well, Here We Are!"

Map of Yellowstone - found by random location

 program 44°57'56.3"N 107°33'18.8"W

Suzy Asked: "Should We Drive West to 

Yellowstone or East to Standing Rock?" 

all of a Sudden an Eagle was Spotted in the 

Eastern Sky... "Follow Me... It Said."

"Let's GO!" Said Billy "I Wonder if That was the 

Same Eagle That Named the Band..."

"What Band? Asked Suzy...

"The Eagles." Said Silly Billy...

"OH, Now I Get It!" Said Suzy...

"Great! Onward to Standing Rock!" Said Billy

and they Eased on Down the Road... 

Meeting of the Condor and the Eagle

"OMG!" Said Susan, "I'm Talking as if I was 

Texting! WTF!!!!" 

"Relax" said Bob "It's only the lingering effects 

of your (~);-} training.  

"Wow," said Susan "I never heard (~);-} 

pronounced before... That reminds me of a 

Story... " 

"Oh NO!" Said Billy "Not another Boring Story! 

I've Got to Stay Awake While I'm Easing on 

Down the Road.  and Who's BOB?"

"What?" asked Susan "He's The Hitchhiker 

You Picked Up an Hour Ago. Is Your Short 

Term Memory Going KaJiggers?"

"How the Hell Would I Know?" said Billy "My 

Entire Life is a Mystery!" 

But First, A Word from Our Sponsor... 

"MATH: Not Just For Rocket Science Anymore" 

Two-Tone Coffee Mug For Sale. Click on the Link 

to see the REST of this Computer Assisted Design... It's COSMIC!

https://www.zazzle.com/math_not_just_for_

rocket_science_anymore_two_tone_coffee_

mug-168828426557860749?design.areas=%5bzazzle_mug_

15_front%5d

"Anyway..." Said Susan "I'll Tell You The Story

...

 

"A Million Years in the Future" by Purple64ETS:

The guard was looking at the pool of atomic 

waste... he wondered, what if I figured out a 

way to dispose of this Depleted Uranium... 

That would be wonderful... And he stood there 

and thought... just as his father had done, and 

his grandfather, and his great grandfather, 

great-great-great back through the millions of 

years they had been standing guard... But he 

had no idea... so he stood there and guarded 

the atomic waste and trained his son to be a 

guard... maybe my son will find the answer...

TO BE CONTINUED... A BILLION YEARS IN 

THE FUTURE...

"That Story Sucks" Said Bob "It Doesn't Even 

Have a Happy Ending! All Good Stories Have a 

Happy Ending Where The Good Guys Win."

"OK, Mister Wise Guy. YOU Tell a Story." Said 

Susan and Billy Together... 

"Fine... It's Called "Everybody's Laughing at 

Ayn Rand" by Benjamin Ghazi" Said Bob.

"Everyone's Laughing at Ayn Rand Because 

She took Social Security Checks from The 

Government In Her Final Years. True Believers 

of Her Philosophy feel that was a Betrayal of 

Her Core Values. However, What they FAIL to 

Realize is That She was a FICTION Author That 

Made Up Wild Tales About an Ideal World That 

Could Never Exist. It Was The FANS That 

Exaggerated The Significance of the Plots 

Until they Became Marching Orders for 

Libertarians Worldwide. A Blueprint for the 

Creation of a New World Order... She Just

 Thought, FREE MONEY FROM THE 

GOVERNMENT... WHEE! or Maybe That's Not 

What she thought at all... Maybe Her GRAND 

PLAN FAILED and Starvation Drove Her to 

Give Up Her Beliefs... We'll Never Really 

Know... But One Thing is Certain... [DRUM 

ROLL] Reality Exists No Matter What You 

Believe. The End. 

"Well, That's a Pretty Good Story... It Had That 

Mockery of People That Have Crazy Ideas and 

Millions of Followers... Like The TrumpNiks of 

America in the 2010s... He Was an Obvious 

Fraud but They Believed Every Lie He Told!" 

Said Susan

"It got so bad they Gathered in Large Groups 

and Infected Each Other with a Disease Called 

"Trump's Coronavirus" Even When ALL The 

Doctors Said 'DON'T DO THAT! You'll DIE!' 

They Just Kept On Behaving Stupid Until They 

Became Extinct."

"I Did Not Know That." Said Bob "I Guess That 

was the Start of the Three Party System in the 

USA. Green, Democrat and Libertarian... No 

Need for a FOURTH Party... Dead People Don't 

Vote... (Except in Texas)"

~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~

Author's Note: Are You Wondering About the

Safety of 5G? I worked for 6 Years designing

Computers for the Air Force Complying with

TEMPEST Requirements. EMI/RFI Shielding

Prevents All Radio Waves from Passing...

Transmit radio waves at a grounded steel plate

and they just stop. SO... In Fact... Aluminum

Foil Hats Prevent Radio Waves from Entering

Your Brain. YOU CAN COOK MEAT USING

POWERFUL ENOUGH MICROWAVES... So

Holding a Cellphone up to your ear is in fact

COOKING Your Brain... But NOT Cooking it

Very Much... RARE MEAT... Not Well Done... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tempest_

(codename)

Aluminum Foil Hats in the Movie Signs 

"LOOK!" Said Susan "And They Saw ____ 

______ ___ ___. 

(To be Determined by a Random Vision 

Generator Program)

Logging Truck, Fully Loaded on
Highway #299
During a Construction Work
Traffic
Jam. 
Humboldt County, CA

"That Random Image Program Works Pretty 

Good." Said Bob "That Reminds Me of a Story." 

"Oh NO!" Said Billy "Not another Boring Story! 

I've Got to Stay Awake While I'm Easing on 

Down the Road... and Who's BOB?"

"He's The Same Hitchhiker Who's Been Sitting 

in the Back Seat for Hours!" Said Susan "Your 

Brain is Definitely Fried! Go Ahead BOB... I'm 

Listening." 

"Anyway, It's Just Free Advice to How to Avoid 

Traffic While Driving Thru Summertime 

Construction Zones. First, They Have a 

Flagman Stop All Traffic Because of a One 

Lane Road Ahead. Then, After waiting 10 

Minutes (that feels like hours) Everybody 

Drives Forward Really Fast in a Tightly Packed 

Bunch. 

AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY... Pull Off the 

Side of the Road and Take Photographs of 

Nature for Five Minutes... By That Time, ALL 

THE CARS HAVE PASSED and You are Driving 

with Zero Traffic... They are all Racing Ahead 

at Breakneck Speed... and Since All The Cars 

Behind You Are Blocked by The Flagman... You 

Won't See Them Either... If You Have a 

Tendency to Drive Slower Than Average You 

will Never See another Car until You Get to the 

NEXT Construction Zone. 

"Thanks Bob, That's Great Advice." Said Susan.

"I Learned That Driving over Highway #299 

From Arcata to Redding, CA. One time It was 

So Hot That I Thought I Was Going to Die... 

After the Flagman Let Us Go, I Saw a 

Swimming Hole in the Trinity River and 

Jumped In. I Drank a Lot of Cool, Clear Water... 

So Much that I Became Intoxicated! That Was 

FUN!"

Trinity River in Hoopa, Humboldt
County, CA  Photo Taken From
the Shady Place to Park.

"What About You, Bob? Have You Got a Story?"

 Asked Susan.

"Well..." said Bob. "Years Ago..." and He 

Hesitated... Paused... as His Fried Brain 

Performed a Search... and the Computer 

Displayed a Random Photo... 

Bob Said: "Here's One... Do the Math: a silly 

story… Absurdist Fiction! Not one word is 

True... [wink, wink]

During the early 1970’s a gentleman and his 

wife were working in Palo Alto, California and 

he discovered the key to enlightenment. He 

published it as a book and became a leader of 

a religious group very popular with the high 

tech crowd surrounding Apple and HP. To put 

it briefly, the key is 

01101011001110110100010001… 

and it went on like that for a hundred 

pages finally ending with the amazing 

conclusion that astonished the world and 

allowed the couple to earn a million dollars 

from royalties… 

11010011100001110101100110.

A few years passed and the wife made a 

public statement: “While my husband is a fine 

fellow and a wonderful father to our children, 

I sadly must inform you that he is almost 

entirely wrong about the key to enlightenment. 

I have been doing the math and can state that 

there is a missing part… it is:

10010100110001001011101110… 

and it went on like that for a hundred pages 

finally ending with the amazing conclusion 

that astonished the world and allowed the 

couple to earn another million dollars from 

royalties… 

00101100011110001010011001.

And the people of the world did the math… 

and she was right… while each of the strings 

of zeros and ones by themselves showed part 

of the key to true enlightenment, if you add the 

two numbers together, they equal:

1111111111111111111111111…. 

and it goes on for a hundred pages finally 

ending as you would expect… 

111111111111111111111111111.

and THAT'S How You Become One With The 

Universe!"

Hey! That's Great." Said Susan. "Anyone Else?" 

and She Pushed the Button to Display a 

Random Photograph... 

The Elfin Glen Store
Redwood Chainsaw Sculptures
on Highway #101 -
Humboldt County, CA  

"I Don't Get anything From this Picture. 

Try Again." Said Tom

"Who the Hell is TOM?" asked Silly Billy.

"Oh, That's The Other Hitchhiker We Picked Up 

an Hour Ago. He's Kinda Quiet." Said Susan 

"Anyway, Here is another Photo."

Impossible Object That forms the
Core of the Infinity Drive.
Discovered at
Roswell, New Mexico

"I'm Getting an Image in My Mind!" Shouted 

Billy "It's The Space Brothers From That Old 

Comic Book about the Fabulous Furry Freak 

Brothers and Mr. Natural... and He's Holding a 

Four Wheeled Hand Truck! Gee, 

That's a Major Improvement over the 

Two Wheeled Hand 

Trucks I Used at the Old Paint Store. Maybe 

Friendly Aliens DID Help Ancient Humans to 

Invent Technology. Look! There Goes One 

Now!"

[Author's Note: As I was writing this a Lady 

Walked by using a four wheeled hand truck 

to deliver a Box Spring from a Bed. Using 

One Hand!]

Friendly Alien Waving at YOU
from inside His Flying Saucer

as They Were Easing on Down the Road 

Towards Standing Rock... Silly Billy Said: 

"Let's Stop Here! [insert location found on 

Google Maps on the Actual Path to Standing 

Rock] Evans Plunge Mineral Springs... 1145 N 

River St, Hot Springs, SD 57747 - I Feel Like a 

Soak in the Hot Tub."

"Fantastic!" Said Susan "We Can Get Naked 

and Fool Around Just Like We Did at Woody's 

Hot Springs on Highway #70 in California."

"No We Can't. This is Just Not That Kind of 

Place." Said Silly Billy... 

http://www.evansplunge.com/ 

"For thousands of years, the valley of healing 

waters, called "wiwila kata" by the Lakota 

(meaning warm waters), was prized for the 

warm spring-fed river. Both the Lakota and 

Cheyenne utilized the natural river of warm 

water springs that flows through present-day 

Hot Springs."

So They Soaked for Hours... and Then... They 

Eased on Down The Road... They Met a Girl 

in the Hot Tub That wanted to Join The Band 

of Intrepid Travelers... Her Name Was... 

[Random Named Chick] and She Wanted to 

Go to Standing Rock Also. 

"I've always admired the Standing Rocks at 

Stonehenge. And Now I Find Out We Have a 

Standing Rock Right Here in the USA." Said 

[Random Named Chick] 

"I Don't Know If They Have an Actual ROCK 

There... Mostly It's About Protecting the Water 

from an Oil Pipeline. Here, Read This: 

https://www.benjerry.com/whats-

new/2016/standing-rock-activist-account 

It'll Give You a Clearer Picture..." Said Susan, 

Standing Rock Village

https://www.standingrock.org/content/visit-us

Standing Rock Sioux Tribe

Bldg. #1 N Standing Rock Ave.
P.O. Box D
Fort Yates, ND 58538
(701) 854-8500

Standing Rock Sioux Nation straddles the 

North Dakota/South Dakota boarder on the 

western portion of both states. Currently the 

reservation is about 1,000,000 total acres.

Map of Standing Rock Reservation

"Dang! It Appears that We Are Freaking Lost... 

We Should be Heading Towards Bismarck, 

North Dakota." SAID EVERYONE ALL AT 

ONCE!

"We Should Have Gone North on #85 and Then 

East on #12. When We Got To STURGIS We 

Were Going the Wrong Way." Said Silly Billy.

"Yeah, But I Always Wanted to See STURGIS... 

It Was Interesting Even Off Season When 

There Were Not a Gazillion Bikers... Maybe 

Even Better!" Said Susan... 

"And That Side Trip To Devil's Tower Was 

EPIC... Do DO Do Do DUH!" Sang 

[Random Named Chick] 

Suzie Turned on the Car Radio and A Talking 

Head Said: 

"I See on the TV News That a Remote 

Controlled Machine Gun Killed the Top Iranian 

Nuclear Scientist. My First Reaction was: Can 

I Get One for Christmas? What are the 

Controls Like? A Gameboy? Joystick? and 

Then after Further Contemplation I Wondered... 

What IF We Murdered ALL Nuclear Scientists 

Worldwide? They DO EVIL for a Living! 

Exterminate The #MAGACrazies!"

"Well," Said Silly Billy... "That's Different... I 

Guess out here in the Wilds of Middle America 

People Think Differently Than on the Coasts..." 

and they eased on down the road... 

and... Pretty Soon they Had Arrived at the 

Country Club where Jim Fitterling was a 

Member... Billy Said: "Hey Dude ( Guy 

Guarding the Entrance) "How do you get a 

JOB at this Place? Specifically, a Catering 

Job?"

and the Dude Replied: "Try the  D'Alessandro's 

Catering Services at  801 East Wackerly St, 

Midland, MI 48642 - Phone: (989) 631-3824 - 

I've Got Their Card Right Here... Tell 'em 

Johnny Sent You."

and so the Intrepid Travelers turned around 

and Drove Over to 8-1 East Wackerly Street...

 When they Got to the Caterers office Billy 

Said: "Hello... I'm Looking for a Job Here... 

I've Got Years of Work Experience and... 

Not only can I Prepare and Serve Food but I 

Can Work as a Bouncer in Case any of the 

Guests BECOME A MENACE TO SOCIETY."

and The Dude behind the Counter said: 

"Excellent! It Just So Happens that one of Our 

Guests Thinks He's God because He's The 

CEO of DOW. After a few drinks... He Thinks 

Everybody Ought to Be the Mother of His 

Children... Even if that's BIOLOGICALY 

IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Great! I Can Start Today... and I'll Beat Him 

Like a Piñata! Just Grab a Stick and SWING 

AWAY!" Said Billy, Silly Willie!

So our Band of Merry Men (and a Merry 

Woman) went off in search of a Bag of Weed... 

Susan said: "Let's Prepare "Magic Oregano" 

Spaghetti AND Alice B Toklas Brownies! That'll 

Double the Chance That Mr. "God's Gift to 

Women" will eat some Cannabis and Have a 

Religious Experience! Possibly Changing the 

Future of the World!" 

They drove over to the wrong side of the 

Tracks and Parked the Car... They were 

Walking down the Street Just a Having a 

Think when a Snake of a Guy Gave Susan 

an Evil Wink...

"Hey Dude... Got any Weed?" asked Susan... 

"We Plan  to Open the Doors Of Perception."

Open the Doors of Perception 
Gregory Vanderlaan
Self Portrait

and the Dude Said: "We Got Everything! I Run 

a One Stop Drugstore Just Like Walgreens... 

Except... No Legal Drugs... Go See Them for 

that!" 

"Fantastic! One Ounce of Humboldt's Finest if 

you Please... Sinsemilla..." Said Bob

"Well, I Do Have a Sinsemilla That was Grown 

in the Ozarks... They Call it "The Mule" 'cause 

it Kicks You In The Head!"

"SOLD!" said Everyone... "Gotta Pipe?"

and they Partook the Gift of the Gods... 

Susan Said: "Let's Just Bribe the Guy at the 

Caterers to Put our infused Food on the Table 

at the Country Club. I Bet he would do it for 

$500 Dollars..."

Silly Billy Said: "Great Idea! That way we can 

be OUT OF TOWN When Everything Goes 

Down... Ya Got Any Money?"

"Well Sure... Ever Since You Showed Me How 

to Embezzle from the Deutsche Bank Cloud 

I've Been Rich!" Replied Susan

"I'm Glad I Bought That Book 

'How to Embezzle 

from the Deutsche Bank Cloud' 

- I Just Wonder... Why is the Author 

Selling it for Money? Doesn't He Have 

Enough using his own Plan?" Asked Silly Billy

and they Did the Deed... The Guy at the 

Catering Service was Totally On Board with 

their Plan... Especially after Eating a Brownie... 

They Made Sure that He Understood That They 

Would be Reading the Midland Newspaper for 

Evidence that the Crime Had Actually Been 

Committed. If He Just Ate it all himself... or 

shared it with his friends... "I'll Be Back!"

and They Eased on Down The Road... 

The next adventure took them to... Beautiful 

Downtown Burbank... The Home of the Laugh 

In TV Show. NBC Studios for Fifty Years! 

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-nbc/nbc-

studios-leaving-beautiful-downtown-burbank

-idUSN1139018420071011

"All I Remember About That is the Chimes... 

Ding, Ding, Ding..." Said Fred...

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

SRMpeACi8tY

"Did You know that the NOTES PLAYED by the 

Bells are "G", "E" and "C" - The Name of the 

Corporation that Owns NBC is General 

Electric... So The Bells Play the Name of the 

Company... 

Said "Mustang" Sally "So Its Subliminal 

Programming... a Concept for Brainwashing 

that went out of Style in the 1960s... 

To be replaced by 

BRUTE FORCE REPETITION... 

Like all those TV Advertisements for Pharmaceutical Drugs that 

show Ecstatic 

Dancing... 

No Matter What You DO... You 

Believe that Product X will turn 

you into a 

Happy Beautiful Person... " 

"Yes... I Noticed That!" Said Silly Billy "And 

Trump Uses the Same Mind Control 

Propaganda Technique Pioneered by 

Hermann Goering of NAZI Germany During 

WW2."

"You don't seem to be too concerned about the 

Strangers in the Back Seat anymore." Said 

Susan "I Guess that's all Part of the 

Hollyweird Lifestyle!" 

"YES! Let's Go To The Beach!" Said Fred 

"The Closest Beach is the World Famous 

Santa Monica Pier!"

Santa Monica Pier Map


 

"I Don't Choose to Go There" said Billy "and 

I'm Driving. Let's Go to Venice Beach. 

Home of THE DOORS... 

and the Boardwalk Where 

that Guy Roller Blades while Playing 

a Stratocaster Guitar!"

Harry Perry 
Guitar Player that Rollerblades
down Venice Beach Boardwalk

Billy Said: "Have You Read that Book Called 

"The Blind Art Critic" By Gregory Vanderlaan

--- It Starts out --- "I Have No Knowledge about

Subatomic Physics and That's Why I Don't

Express Opinions on that Subject... Many

Other People Are Comfortable in Expressing

their Views With ZERO FACTS...

We Call Them Republicans."

Susan Replied: "Oh Course I Have Not Read 

That Book... He Hasn't Written It Yet."

"Well" Said Billy "I Got an advance Copy in my 

Email... gregvan[at]yahoo[dot]com and It 

Included Pictures as well as The Words of 

Wisdom. Look!"

and Susan Said: "Dang That's Creepy! WTF is 

it Supposed to Be?"

and Bob Said: "Exekiel's Wheel from the Bible. 

You Know the Story. He was Abducted by 

Aliens! They Had Four Heads... Really... The

Head of a Man, an OX, a Lion and an Eagle. 

Of Course, Maybe he was Just Tripping on

Magic Mushrooms!"

and then Billy asked: "Have You checked to 

See if the Caterer Actually Served the Infused 

Spaghetti To The Corporate Elite at Jim 

Fitterling's Country Club?"

Susan Did Some Research On Her Phone and... 

NO Evidence of a Wild Party... Nothing! She 

Said: "Nope, That guy who worked at the 

Caterers turned out to be a Rat Fink! What do 

you want to do about that?"

"Well," said Billy "Let's Just Forgive Him for 

the Time Being. Send him an email reminding 

him that we KNOW HIS SECRET. Let's Just 

Publish a HOW TO Manual on the Internet 

Describing our Plan and Maybe One of the 

Hundreds of Thousands of Gregory 

Vanderlaan's Blog will GET 'ER DONE!" 

and that's exactly what they Did!

The End...  

Epilog: "That's IT? It's Over? WTF!" Asked 

Susan... "What about the Happy Ending? 

or Any Ending at all? 

"Well," Said Billy "We Could Just Keep On 

Truckin' after all we are in the Middle of Know 

Where and we Live on the Extreme Left Coast 

of the USA... So... Plot a course on Google 

Maps and Let's Go Home..."

map: home from Standing
Rock to Arcata CA

"LOOK" said Susan "There are Many 

Adventures Awaiting Us in the Future!"

"and we are going right thru Crescent City, CA 

where we can stop at that Crazy Art Gallery 

right on the side of the Road!" Said Billy 

"Have You Seen That?"

"No I Have Not!" replied Susan "Let's Go 

Space Truckin!"

Sculptures and Paintings by Val Polyanin - Psychedelic 

Art - Truly Original and Bizarre... Located at 1100 

Highway 101, Crescent City, CA 95521 phone 

707-458-5093 

https://gvan42.blogspot.com/2018/02/sculpture-by-

val-polyanin-psychedelic.html

and THAT was the End... They Visited the Art 

Gallery, rearranged their priorities, and Started 

Creating Art, Music, and Children... They 

became relaxed and just too damn tired to 

actually do any more Eco-Actions... 

"We Did Our Part." said Susan "Now It's Time 

for a Younger Generation to Pick Up The Ball 

and March Forward... Fight the good fight... 

promote good... We are Breeding an entire 

new generation of ECO-WARRIORS!"

The End (really!)