Suzy Asked: "Should We Drive West to Yellowstone or East to Standing Rock?"
all of a Sudden an Eagle was Spotted in the Eastern Sky... "Follow Me... It Said."
"Let's GO!" Said Billy "I Wonder if That was the Same Eagle That Named the Band..."
"What Band? Asked Suzy...
"The Eagles." Said Silly Billy...
"OH, Now I Get It!" Said Suzy...
"Great! Onward to Standing Rock!" Said Billy
and they Eased on Down the Road...
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Meeting of the Condor and the Eagle |
"OMG!" Said Susan, "I'm Talking as if I was Texting! WTF!!!!"
"Relax" said Bob "It's only the lingering effects of your (~);-} training.
"Wow," said Susan "I never heard (~);-} pronounced before... That reminds me of a Story... "
"Oh NO!" Said Billy "Not another Boring Story! I've Got to Stay Awake While I'm Easing on Down the Road. and Who's BOB?"
"What?" asked Susan "He's The Hitchhiker You Picked Up an Hour Ago. Is Your Short Term Memory Going KaJiggers?"
"How the Hell Would I Know?" said Billy "My Entire Life is a Mystery!"
But First, A Word from Our Sponsor...
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MATH Coffee Cup for sale on zazzle/gregvan |
"Anyway..." Said Susan "I'll Tell You The Story...
"A Million Years in the Future" by Purple64ETS:
The guard was looking at the pool of atomic waste... he wondered, what if I figured out a way to dispose of this Depleted Uranium... That would be wonderful... And he stood there and thought... just as his father had done, and his grandfather, and his great grandfather, great-great-great back through the millions of years they had been standing guard... But he had no idea... so he stood there and guarded the atomic waste and trained his son to be a guard... maybe my son will find the answer...
TO BE CONTINUED... A BILLION YEARS IN THE FUTURE...
"That Story Sucks" Said Bob "It Doesn't Even Have a Happy Ending! All Good Stories Have a Happy Ending Where The Good Guys Win."
"OK, Mister Wise Guy. YOU Tell a Story." Said Susan and Billy Together...
"Fine... It's Called "Everybody's Laughing at Ayn Rand" by Benjamin Ghazi" Said Bob.
"Everyone's Laughing at Ayn Rand Because She took Social Security Checks from The Government In Her Final Years. True Believers of Her Philosophy feel that was a Betrayal of Her Core Values. However, What they FAIL to Realize is That She was a FICTION Author That Made Up Wild Tales About an Ideal World That Could Never Exist. It Was The FANS That Exaggerated The Significance of the Plots Until they Became Marching Orders for Libertarians Worldwide. A Blueprint for the Creation of a New World Order... She Just Thought, FREE MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT... WHEE! or Maybe That's Not What she thought at all... Maybe Her GRAND PLAN FAILED and Starvation Drove Her to Give Up Her Beliefs... We'll Never Really Know... But One Thing is Certain... [DRUM ROLL] Reality Exists No Matter What You Believe. The End.
"Well, That's a Pretty Good Story... It Had That Mockery of People That Have Crazy Ideas and Millions of Followers... Like The TrumpNiks of America in the 2010s... He Was an Obvious Fraud but They Believed Every Lie He Told!" Said Susan
"It got so bad they Gathered in Large Groups and Infected Each Other with a Disease Called "Trump's Coronavirus" Even When ALL The Doctors Said 'DON'T DO THAT! You'll DIE!' They Just Kept On Behaving Stupid Until They Became Extinct."
"I Did Not Know That." Said Bob "I Guess That was the Start of the Three Party System in the USA. Green, Democrat and Libertarian... No Need for a FOURTH Party... Dead People Don't Vote... (Except in Chicago)"
~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~
Author's Note: Are You Wondering About the Safety of 5G? I worked for 6 Years designing Computers for the Air Force Complying with TEMPEST Requirements. EMI/RFI Shielding Prevents All Radio Waves from Passing... Transmit radio waves at a grounded steel plate and they just stop. SO... In Fact... Aluminum Foil Hats Prevent Radio Waves from Entering Your Brain. YOU CAN COOK MEAT USING POWERFUL ENOUGH MICROWAVES... So Holding a Cellphone up to your ear is in fact COOKING Your Brain... But NOT Cooking it Very Much... RARE MEAT... Not Well Done... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tempest_(codename)
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Aluminum Foil Hats in the Movie Signs |
~~~~~~ (~);-} ~~~~~~
"LOOK!" Said Susan "And They Saw ____ ______ ___ ___.
(To be Determined by a Random Vision Generator Program)
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Logging Truck, Fully Loaded on Highway #299 During a Construction Work Traffic Jam. Humboldt County, CA |
"That Random Image Program Works Pretty Good." Said Bob "That Reminds Me of a Story."
"Oh NO!" Said Billy "Not another Boring Story! I've Got to Stay Awake While I'm Easing on Down the Road... and Who's BOB?"
"He's The Same Hitchhiker Who's Been Sitting in the Back Seat for Hours!" Said Susan "Your Brain is Definitely Fried! Go Ahead BOB... I'm Listening."
"Anyway, It's Just Free Advice to How to Avoid Traffic While Driving Thru Summertime Construction Zones. First, They Have a Flagman Stop All Traffic Because of a One Lane Road Ahead. Then, After waiting 10 Minutes (that feels like hours) Everybody Drives Forward Really Fast in a Tightly Packed Bunch.
AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY... Pull Off the Side of the Road and Take Photographs of Nature for Five Minutes... By That Time, ALL THE CARS HAVE PASSED and You are Driving with Zero Traffic... They are all Racing Ahead at Breakneck Speed... and Since All The Cars Behind You Are Blocked by The Flagman... You Won't See Them Either... If You Have a Tendency to Drive Slower Than Average You will Never See another Car until You Get to the NEXT Construction Zone.
"Thanks Bob, That's Great Advice." Said Susan.
"I Learned That Driving over Highway #299 From Arcata to Redding, CA. One time It was So Hot That I Thought I Was Going to Die... After the Flagman Let Us Go, I Saw a Swimming Hole in the Trinity River and Jumped In. I Drank a Lot of Cool, Clear Water... So Much that I Became Intoxicated! That Was FUN!"
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Trinity River in Hoopa, Humboldt County, CA Photo Taken From the Shady Place to Park. |
"What About You, Bob? Have You Got a Story?" Asked Susan.
"Well..." said Bob. "Years Ago..." and He Hesitated... Paused... as His Fried Brain Performed a Search... and the Computer Displayed a Random Photo...
Bob Said: "Here's One... Do the Math: a silly story… Absurdist Fiction! Not one word is True... [wink, wink]
During the early 1970’s a gentleman and his wife were working in Palo Alto, California and he discovered the key to enlightenment. He published it as a book and became a leader of a religious group very popular with the high tech crowd surrounding Apple and HP. To put it briefly, the key is 01101011001110110100010001… and it went on like that for a hundred pages finally ending with the amazing conclusion that astonished the world and allowed the couple to earn a million dollars from royalties… 11010011100001110101100110.
A few years passed and the wife made a public statement: “While my husband is a fine fellow and a wonderful father to our children, I sadly must inform you that he is almost entirely wrong about the key to enlightenment. I have been doing the math and can state that there is a missing part… it is:10010100110001001011101110… and it went on like that for a hundred pages finally ending with the amazing conclusion that astonished the world and allowed the couple to earn another million dollars from royalties… 00101100011110001010011001.
And the people of the world did the math… and she was right… while each of the strings of zeros and ones by themselves showed part of the key to true enlightenment, if you add the two numbers together, they equal:1111111111111111111111111…. and it goes on for a hundred pages finally ending as you would expect… 111111111111111111111111111.
and THAT'S How You Become One With The Universe!"
Hey! That's Great." Said Susan. "Anyone Else?" and She Pushed the Button to Display a Random Photograph...
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The Elfin Glen Store Redwood Chainsaw Sculptures on Highway #101 - Humboldt County, CA |
"I Don't Get anything From this Picture. Try Again." Said Tom
"Who the Hell is TOM?" asked Silly Billy.
"Oh, That's The Other Hitchhiker We Picked Up an Hour Ago. He's Kinda Quiet." Said Susan "Anyway, Here is another Photo."
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Impossible Object That forms the Core of the Infinity Drive. Discovered at Roswell, New Mexico |
"I'm Getting an Image in My Mind!" Shouted Billy "It's The Space Brothers From That Old Comic Book about the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers and Mr. Natural... and He's Holding a Four Wheeled Hand Truck! Gee, That's a Major Improvement over the Two Wheeled Hand Trucks I Used at the Old Paint Store. Maybe Friendly Aliens DID Help Ancient Humans to Invent Technology. Look! There Goes One Now!"
[Author's Note: As I was writing this a Lady Walked by using a four wheeled hand truck to deliver a Box Spring from a Bed. Using One Hand!]
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Friendly Alien Waving at YOU from inside His Flying Saucer |
as They Were Easing on Down the Road Towards Standing Rock... Silly Billy Said: "Let's Stop Here! [insert location found on Google Maps on the Actual Path to Standing Rock] Evans Plunge Mineral Springs... 1145 N River St, Hot Springs, SD 57747 - I Feel Like a Soak in the Hot Tub."
"Fantastic!" Said Susan "We Can Get Naked and Fool Around Just Like We Did at Woody's Hot Springs on Highway #70 in California."
"No We Can't. This is Just Not That Kind of Place." Said Silly Billy... http://www.evansplunge.com/ "For thousands of years, the valley of healing waters, called "wiwila kata" by the Lakota (meaning warm waters), was prized for the warm spring-fed river. Both the Lakota and Cheyenne utilized the natural river of warm water springs that flows through present-day Hot Springs."
So They Soaked for Hours... and Then... They Eased on Down The Road... They Met a Girl in the Hot Tub That wanted to Join The Band of Intrepid Travelers... Her Name Was... [Random Named Chick] and She Wanted to Go to Standing Rock Also.
"I've always admired the Standing Rocks at Stonehenge. And Now I Find Out We Have a Standing Rock Right Here in the USA." Said [Random Named Chick]
Standing Rock Sioux Tribe
Bldg. #1 N Standing Rock Ave.
P.O. Box D
Fort Yates, ND 58538
(701) 854-8500
Standing Rock Sioux Nation straddles the North Dakota/South Dakota boarder on the western portion of both states. Currently the reservation is about 1,000,000 total acres.
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Map of Standing Rock Reservation |
"Dang! It Appears that We Are Freaking Lost... We Should be Heading Towards Bismarck, North Dakota." SAID EVERYONE ALL AT ONCE!
"We Should Have Gone North on #85 and Then East on #12. When We Got To STURGIS We Were Going the Wrong Way." Said Silly Billy.
"Yeah, But I Always Wanted to See STURGIS... It Was Interesting Even Off Season When There Were Not a Gazillion Bikers... Maybe Even Better!" Said Susan...
"And That Side Trip To Devil's Tower Was EPIC... Do DO Do Do DUH!" Sang [Random Named Chick]
Suzie Turned on the Car Radio and A Talking Head Said:
"I See on the TV News That a Remote Controlled Machine Gun Killed the Top Iranian Nuclear Scientist. My First Reaction was: Can I Get One for Christmas? What are the Controls Like? A Gameboy? Joystick? and Then after Further Contemplation I Wondered... What IF We Murdered ALL Nuclear Scientists Worldwide? They DO EVIL for a Living! Exterminate The #MAGACrazies!"
"Well," Said Silly Billy... "That's Different... I Guess out here in the Wilds of Middle America People Think Differently Than on the Coasts..."
and they eased on down the road...
and... Pretty Soon they Had Arrived at the Country Club where Jim Fitterling was a Member... Billy Said: "Hey Dude ( Guy Guarding the Entrance) "How do you get a JOB at this Place? Specifically, a Catering Job?"
and the Dude Replied: "Try the D'Alessandro's Catering Services at 801 East Wackerly St, Midland, MI 48642 - Phone: (989) 631-3824 - I've Got Their Card Right Here... Tell 'em Johnny Sent You."
and so the Intrepid Travelers turned around and Drove Over to 8-1 East Wackerly Street...
When they Got to the Caterers office Billy Said: "Hello... I'm Looking for a Job Here... I've Got Years of Work Experience and... Not only can I Prepare and Serve Food but I Can Work as a Bouncer in Case any of the Guests BECOME A MENACE TO SOCIETY."
and The Dude behind the Counter said: "Excellent! It Just So Happens that one of Our Guests Thinks He's God because He's The CEO of DOW. After a few drinks... He Thinks Everybody Ought to Be the Mother of His Children... Even if that's BIOLOGICALY IMPOSSIBLE!"
"Great! I Can Start Today... and I'll Beat Him Like a Piñata! Just Grab a Stick and SWING AWAY!" Said Billy, Silly Willie!
So our Band of Merry Men (and a Merry Woman) went off in search of a Bag of Weed... "Susan said: "Let's Prepare "Magic Oregano" Spaghetti AND Alice B Toklas Brownies! That'll Double the Chance That Mr. "God's Gift to Women" will eat some Cannabis and Have a Religious Experience! Possibly Changing the Future of the World!"
They drove over to the wrong side of the Tracks and Parked the Car... They were Walking down the Street Just a Having a Think when a Snake of a Guy Gave Susan an Evil Wink...
"Hey Dude... Got any Weed?" asked Susan... "We Plan to Open the Doors Of Perception."
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Open the Doors of Perception gvan42 - Gregory Vanderlaan - Self Portrait |
and the Dude Said: "We Got Everything! I Run a One Stop Drugstore Just Like Walgreens... Except... No Legal Drugs... Go See Them for that!"
"Fantastic! One Ounce of Humboldt's Finest if you Please... Sinsemilla..." Said Bob
"Well, I Do Have a Sinsemilla That was Grown in the Ozarks... They Call it "The Mule" 'cause it Kicks You In The Head!"
"SOLD!" said Everyone... "Gotta Pipe?"
and they Partook the Gift of the Gods...
Susan Said: "Let's Just Bribe the Guy at the Caterers to Put our infused Food on the Table at the Country Club. I Bet he would do it for $500 Dollars..."
Silly Billy Said: "Great Idea! That way we can be OUT OF TOWN When Everything Goes Down... Ya Got Any Money?"
"Well Sure... Ever Since You Showed Me How to Embezzle from the Deutsche Bank Cloud I've Been Rich!" Replied Susan
and they Did the Deed... The Guy at the Catering Service was Totally On Board with their Plan... Especially after Eating a Brownie... They Made Sure that He Understood That They Would be Reading the Midland Newspaper for Evidence that the Crime Had Actually Been Committed. If He Just Ate it all himself... or shared it with his friends... "I'll Be Back!"
and They Eased on Down The Road...
The next adventure took them to... Beautiful Downtown Burbank... The Home of the Laugh In TV Show. NBC Studios for Fifty Years!
"All I Remember About That is the Chimes... Ding, Ding, Ding..." Said Fred...
"Did You know that the NOTES PLAYED by the Bells are "G", "E" and "C" - The Name of the Corporation that Owns NBC is General Electric... So The Bells Play the Name of the Company...
Said "Mustang" Sally "So Its Subliminal Programming... a Concept for Brainwashing that went out of Style in the 1960s... To be replaced by BRUTE FORCE REPETITION... Like all those TV Advertisements for Pharmaceutical Drugs that show Ecstatic Dancing... No Matter What You DO... You Believe that Product X will turn you into a Happy Beautiful Person... "
"Yes... I Noticed That!" Said Silly Billy "And Trump Uses the Same Mind Control Propaganda Technique Pioneered by Hermann Goering of NAZI Germany During WW2."
"You don't seem to be too concerned about the Strangers in the Back Seat anymore." Said Susan "I Guess that's all Part of the Hollyweird Lifestyle!"
"YES! Let's Go To The Beach!" Said Fred
"The Closest Beach is the World Famous Santa Monica Pier!"
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Harry Perry Guitar Player that Rollerblades down Venice Beach Boardwalk |