Showing posts with label paranoia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paranoia. Show all posts

During the First Year of my Retirement I experienced What I Called "Channeling My Inner Chewbacca." A General Rage... I felt Paranoia and it seemed like the Government was Watching Me. At That Time...

my Blog was Very Popular and I was Ranting and Raving about the Injustices being done to American Citizens. It seemed that there were Many Unmarked White Vans that would park out front of the House. In retrospect, Yes there WERE many White Vans BUT... So What? We have a Great View and a Lot of Government Workers would take a Lunch Break there and enjoy the View... or maybe they were hiding from their boss so they wouldn't have to work... and they drive White Vans. 

I was drinking a Lot of Coffee, eating Excedrin Migraine Formula (caffeine, Aspirin and Acetaminophen) and Smoking a lot of Tobacco and That might have CAUSED a Chemical Imbalance that lead to these Symptoms. No Weed or Booze. I don't really know because I had been taking those drugs for a decade... Letting an Excedrin Migraine Formula dissolve between my cheek and jawbone provided relief from toothaches... 

While it is true that The Government DOES Surveillance of People on the Internet, Now I Believe that my "Troublemaking" online was Just Too Trivial to be Noticed by the FBI. Then One Day It was time to Go To My Father's Funeral and... I Jumped in the Car, Drove to the Avenue of the Giants and Walked across the Footbridge to the other side of the EEL River. In that Location I Felt Totally Safe. No Humans at All on the Far Side of the EEL... Just Animals and Trees. 
Then I Drove down Highway #1 from Ft Bragg to San Francisco. Stayed overnight in Elk at a Bed and breakfast... and I took a LOT of Photographs and films on my trip... Including every page of the Guestbook at the B&B... Why? Just Documenting Everything... Digital Cameras are like that, take pictures of everything and Delete wasted shots later... I was Blogging a Lot at this time and Publishing Photographs of Parades, Dances and Concerts at Humboldt State University. That Might be the reason my blog was so popular... Photographs of Dancing College Girls are Wonderful and Popular... Hey, I Like Looking at Them... And Some of the Women Liked POSING for the Camera... OOH LA LA!

I also Stayed Overnight at the Samuel P Taylor State Park (after smoking some weed with a Bicycle rider I met swimming)... I remember that the next morning I was drinking coffee on the front porch of a small country store with a bunch of retired men. I Wondered If One Of These Men Was Jesus... How Would Anyone Know? Just like that song... "What if God was one of Us?"

Then I Stayed with my Brother and we all went to the Funeral. I arrived at My brothers house before He did and My Niece let me in. I Could tell that she was afraid of me due to my "Channeling My Inner Chewbacca." So I relaxed on the back porch and let her continue with her day... Without her being scared by her Crazy Uncle...

[and then there is a huge story to be told about my father's funeral... but not here]

On the Way Home, I Stopped at a Rest Stop on Highway #101 near Laytonville (the Location of Camp WinnaRainbow owned by Wavy Gravy). This was the First Place that I felt safe, like I was way out in the country... The Big City Lifestyle of San Francisco had Put me on Edge and it seemed a LOT like the Movies The Matrix or The Terminator. Computer Controlled Robots replacing People at Jobs. Like the Lawnmower Driver in Golden Gate Park and the Bridge Toll Collector on the Golden Gate Bridge. In Laytonville My Car Radio was OUT OF RANGE of ALL RADIO STATIONS. I felt that that fact was significant... I filmed the radio searching and serching but not finding any Stations... NO Way were there any Computers or Machines of any sort controlling anything... I was out of range! It was Dark and It smelled like smoke because a week before there was a forest fire. (That's why I drove #1 going South to San Francisco...) So, while I was relaxing at the rest stop... I wondered... What IF the Driver of the 18 wheeler parked nearby was Jesus... how would anyone KNOW? Was that driver of the Passenger Car Buddha? How would anyone Know? Then I drove Home... and the next week I drank a couple of Fifths of Whiskey. Then I Realized I was in Trouble with becoming a raging alcoholic... So I Drove Drunk to Chico and attended a Couple of AA Meetings... then I felt Better and I Came Home. 

Read More At:
https://gvan42.blogspot.com/2018/03/growing-up-in-los-gatos-california-in.html

Rainbow Swirl Portrait of Gregory Vanderlaan


I suffered an adverse reaction to Lithium when I was in a mental hospital. It increased my Paranoia and I became suspicious of my Doctor.

The chemical made my emotions more intense. For Example: A scary movie on TV became unendurable and I had to flee the room. I believed that the social workers were NOT on my side but were trying to keep me in the hospital (even though there was nothing wrong with me) just so they would have a large quantity of patients. As if they were commissioned salesmen paid by the head... That could be true but it's unlikely. Yes, it is true that they justify their paychecks because they have enough patients to treat. Yes, it is true that there is no incentive to cure a patient. However, I have faith that mental health professionals in general are trying to help people. Under the influence of Lithium they all exhibited suspicious behavior. I felt that in order to be released from the hospital I ought to follow orders and do what I was told to do by the Doctors no matter what the side effects were. I imagined that they were all like Nurse Ratchet from "One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest". After 15 days I was released because (surprise, surprise) I did not have any mental health problems.

If you find yourself being prescribed Lithium, I recommend that you question if it is appropriate for you. It's unlikely that the Doctor will continue to prescribe a medicine that is causing damage to the patient. Yes, it is true that some Doctors are evil but I believe that the majority are attempting to do good.

Under the influence of Lithium every song on the radio seemed to be written for specifically for me and the lyrics showed unbelievable insight into my life. I would burst into tears over classic rock songs and get all choked up. Yes, it is true that some of those ballads ARE filled with meaning but... I felt like I was experiencing the same level of emotional revelations that one does reading Haiku on LSD. You know that AHA! feeling... Hey, maybe Lithium is good for you but... Think for Yourself and Question Authority...

The reason I was committed "5150" was that I was experiencing a Cannabis Psychosis. The effects of the marijuana wore off when I stopped smoking it. The entire trip to the hospital was an error. A member of my family thought it was a good idea to have me introduced to the Butte County Mental Health Department but it was not.

Word is out "on the street" that if you are having mental health problems, the LAST place you want to go is Butte County Mental Health in Chico, California.

Popular Posts