I walked using a walker... and I was pretty vague thinking... The drug that the psychiatrist did me temporary harm and My thinking improved greatly as soon as I stopped taking it. I did a lot of walking around the house using my walker and soon I was able to walk normally. My lifestyle was very sedentary and i gained over a hundred pounds. All I did was lie down and watch TV. I also did a lot of meditation. Basically, saying to myself mantras that were supposed to put me in a trance. They all failed. Prayer and meditation have been of no value... no insight... no new ideas... no healing... no nothing. I'm a member of AA and I went to meetings for a year and then switched to NA. In AA there is a tradition that states that AA has NO OPINION about outside issues. For example: Smoking Marijuana is an outside issue. I have gone to many meetings stoned and that's perfectly OK as far as the Group is concerned. So I switched to NA to try and find a reason to quit smoking weed. I am still looking for any advantage to living a life without smoking marijuana. I still have not found any advantage. I like getting stoned, it is fun... It is possible to take too much and live permanently stoned for months without smoking but... Without weed, life is not as good... It feels good, increases pleasure, makes food more tasty, makes women look prettier and makes playing the piano a wonderful experience... I also miss the boost it has in my creative writing and art. During the last year and a half I have not had any new thoughts. While I was getting stoned I wrote Absurdist Fiction, lyrics, poetry and programmed my computer to create art... Sadly, with a weed free life, the well has dried up. All I do now is write my autobiography and publish my political opinions. I'm living a half life. Many other people are satisfied living as a consumer of Art and Fiction... Watching instead of creating... That's not me.
Recently, I bought an acoustic Guitar and I'm collecting the lyrics and chords to "The Worlds Greatest Songs". That's fun. I'm not writing songs but... I am part of a singing society that meets at the Folsom Senior Center. About 20 of us and a piano player sing traditional songs like "How Much is that Doggie in the Window".
I am having fun writing my autobiography. That is part of my desire for Digital Immortality. When I retired from work I planned to upload every opinion I've ever had and a recollection of every experience. That way, when the internet becomes conscious, I will be ready to be reincarnated as an IDURU... a program that "IS" a person... A concept that I learned from a science fiction book by William Gibson, the father of cyberPunk writing.
In a way, I'm living in "The Matrix" right now as My Body is cared for by Care-Givers and my mind is free to look at the internet, television and books. I am focusing my attention on Illusionary worlds... My home has five people that have dementia... they don't talk or know where they are. My only contact is with the young women who work here as caregivers. They cook, clean and shower the residents. My brother pays the bills using the money I inherited from my dad... The children of the residents also come visit their parents. However, I spend most of my life INSIDE the laptop or TV screen.
I'm working on a Murder Mystery story that I started years ago but I did not write the ending... Who Done IT? I'm having difficulty imagining a great conclusion... So I wrote a bland ending and published it anyway... Maybe thru prayer and meditation I'll think up something...
Read more of my Autobiography at:
http://gvan42.blogspot.com/2018/03/growing-up-in-los-gatos-california-in.html
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