"No Such Agency - Project TEMPEST" - Absurdist Fiction by Gregory Vanderlaan

Chapter Zero: 

In Fact, It is possible to use a Specially Designed Radio to Read the Words on Other People's Computers. Eavesdropping. Spying. The US Military and I Spent a Lot of time and effort keeping our communications secure. The NSA has Recently Declassified Project TEMPEST and it is NO LONGER a Felony for Me to tell my Tale. 

Looking back at those years when Ronald Reagan was President It seems to me that we really didn't need to fight the Russians and the "Cold War" was just a Marketing Tool of the Military Industrial Complex. However, I was glad to take the money being handed out by the Pentagon. And as my Dad Said, While you are Busy Questioning Authority, be sure to Take the Money... What IF you are wrong and you missed out on all that dough?

But Then... I started hanging Out in Lafayette Park across from the White House and talked to all those NO NUKES! & Anti-War Demonstrators and... My Attitude changed... The next time I got laid off from a defense job I started working in the engineering department of the US Postal Service... It was a much better feeling to work all day DOING GOOD instead of DOING EVIL... We designed machines that Sold Postage Stamps and Sorted Mail... That's Morally OK...

Did you ever stop to realize that real eyes see real lies? 

Keywords: EMI, RFI, Echelon, Mugwump, Sigint, EIEIO, MIL-TFD-41, LBJ, IRT, 4th Street, USA, The Youth of America, LSD, Hair, Musical, USAF, OZ, Wizard, KARMA, DOGMA and DARPA

"OMG!" Said Susan, "I'm Talking as if I was Texting! WTF!!!!" - "Relax" said Bob "It's only the lingering effects of your (~);-} training. - "Wow," said Susan "I never heard (~);-} pronounced before... It reminds me of a Story... " 

Chapter One:
We were sitting around the conference table at the office playing cards when Major P*** J****, USAF, Ret. looked at me and said: "Greg, never sort your cards by suit in numerical order. When you played the King of Hearts, I can Deduce that the next card over is the Ace... Now, give me all your money. " I said: "Uh, Thanks, Major J**** I'll remember to never gamble with you again. A Valuable Lesson! Cheap!" See? all those hours, days and weeks he spent working for the Military with no actual tasks Paid OFF! He learned to play cards.

We were in the office that had no windows on Highway 123 in McLean, Virginia... and then... The Key Generator [Western Digital DES] spit out today's code word: [52 bits] MUGWUMP420(~);-} Bob smiled and looked at Betty. She winked, nodded at the door. They Ran Like Hell out of the Office Park in McLean. A short drive later they were at Dulles Airport. Bob said: "Well, We are Inter-State Felons Now... Soon to be Inter-National and then... Inter-Galactic! She said: "Got your laptop, Zippy?" Yes, transferring funds Now... Transfer Complete... Donald Trump is now Penniless and we are Rich, Rich, Rich beyond our wildest dreams! "qoeikurjghfnpo2m84bvsygern777maohbesytgdferwq***" [cyphertext]

Chapter Two: The scene: A Jamaican Resort. While sipping ice cold fruity beverages they surfed the internet... "I see that our bank robbery has caused a global economic collapse." said Bob. "Whatever." said Betty. "Hand me the bong. So What if all the Money has vanished? Our Neighbors here on the Island have been living without Money for Generations... Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of 'Electric Avenue' by Ed Grant - He says he can't afford a single thing they show on TV. What about Saint Francis of Assisi? He got by without a Billion Dollars in the bank... WhatEVER... And I Mean That In The Most Sincere Way... or something...

Susan Said: Hey! I see that the Gotterdammerung Market in Walla-Walla Washington is having a Sale! Let's GO! Half Off Women's Clothes... I wonder which half? Topless or Bottomless? I need some GNU Clothes... Sure, I spend most days in a Bikini Atoll but at Knight it Getz Chili. Please? Pretty Please? You could buy some of that 'Dutch Queen' Cannabis [over 30% THC] and some Cookies... Cookies! Open Sesame Street and Delete some Cookies, restart Browser. "

Bob thought for a moment, What If they took some of those stolen Millions of Dollars and took a Vacation to Space Needle Park in Seattle? The Experience Music Project is Calling... Can You Hear IT? The Jimi Hendrix Experience Music Project That Is... Swimming Pools, Movie Stars. Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named JIMI... "Jose. Can You See? Byda Dawnz Earl E. Light" - StarSpangleDangled -  BannerAdvertisementForRainbowGlassesClickHereForFun

http://who.ru/ Who Are You? Is who.ru a fan website for Russians who like Pete Townshend? KNOW The truth and it will set you free... CIA Motto. From Zugzwang to Zeitgeist.

Chapter Three: Bob & Betty dunked Their Cookies at the Zeitgeist Coffee Shop located where the AMTRAK Train crosses the Monorail in Seattle. Then... They walked out onto the street where it was Friday Night at 5:00 PM on the First Hot Day of Spring. The office workers were exploding out of the buildings and making dates to go to the WATER. Boating, Swimming, Dancing Nude around a Campfire... Puget Sound Bound.

An electric guitar player was shredding NERVE ANNA songs... and then... Bob had to pee... No place to go so he simply pissed in his pants... All "Public" restrooms closed... Members Only! However, on Two Cannabis Cookies, Who Cares!

Soon to be a Major Motion Picture. Starring Abbot Hoffman as Al-Bundy [Shoe Salesman and Father of the Sons of Anarchy] and his P.A.L. from U.N.C.L.E. - S.A.M.

If you know the tune to "Moss Cow Knights" sing along now... "Knee Slishna Sfazadu Da Zhaw Shar A Hee. Fszo Dezzz Zammerlo Da Utra, Yes, Lieb Gsnaleevwee, Par Moscow Dar a Gee. Tzar Utrah Zemer SMERSH Babaloo." - Translated from the original Russian by Professional employee of the DoD.

What If they bought a boat and sailed out beyond the 12 mile limit? Do Pirates Have Laws? No Thank You. Mr Lawman! When Peter Fonda bought a Ruby Yacht from the son of Boeing [he builds airplanes] he became El Capitan... Different rules... Everybody Sing... "Yo no soy marinero, soy un sauce that is very handy for removing Red Wine Stains from a Party Dress." George Thorougoodly Modern Millie.

"Attention" How to build an Aldous Huxley Utopia. Did you know that the WORD Database in Arabic Language is Al-Qaeda? They had a list of names and phone numbers for all the members stored on a computer. in a DaDa Bass Fishing in America by Trout Mask Replica Captain "Trips" Beefheart and Frankly Scarlett I don't Giva A Dam Zappa, Moon Unit and her Nanny All Natural Pam went down the road from Laurel Canyon and came out on a street in Laurel Maryland at the shopping center an instant before George Wallace was shot.

Did you ever Notice that Andy Roonie starts of all his TV Shows with the words "Did you ever notice." Zapatistas, Freeway Rick, Gary Webb, Dark Alliance, Cocaine Import Agency, Los Angeles...

1942 UFO Battle - Overwhelming force shot down what looked like an Unidentified Flying Object. Taking no chances the US Military fired Thousands of Artillery Shells at the UFO. No Trace Was Found.

and then... Our Heros found a story within a story...

A Million Years in the Future...

The guard was looking at the pool of atomic waste... he wondered, what if I figured out a way to dispose of this Depleted Uranium... That would be wonderful... And as he stood there he thought... just as his father had done, and his grandfather, and his great grandfather, great-great-great back through the millions of years they had been standing guard... But he had no idea... so he stood there and guarded the atomic waste and trained his son to be a guard... maybe my son will find the answer...

TO BE CONTINUED... A BILLION YEARS IN THE FUTURE...

and then... Our Heros found a story within a story...

Eureka Peace March review:

There was a new flavor to this event this year. There were many more people from all walks of life instead of just classic hippie peaceniks. Businessmen in suits, high school kids organizing, mothers of soldiers, veterans and patriots that wanted to reclaim the flag and sing "America the Beautiful". The best speaker was Cobb, green party candidate for president 2004. He was calling for civil disobedience. His view was that since marches and letter writing campaigns are being totally ignored, we need to up the ante by getting arrested... He scheduled a meeting with volunteer lawyers and activists but I did not write down where it was because I will not be doing that. My feeling is that if people want to do that, great, but I don't care enough. I still feel that the solution is biodiesel and ethanol. Simply reduce the need for oil and all those Middle Eastern countries become insignificant. Since the majority of the people in the USA feel that the war in Iraq was a mistake and the majority of the people feel that Bush is doing a bad job as president, our peace movement needs to include people that made the error of voting for Bush without making them feel bad by saying "I told you so"...

Why do we love Eureka, California ?

Well, the people here are TALENTED, GOOD LOOKING AND SMART.

Some people are EASILY FOOLED and can be Mislead by US Government Propaganda... But Not the People of Eureka ! We refused to believe the Lies told by the Evil BusH. We have Had Huge turnout of protesters at all of the Peace Marches... 3,000 people showed up to protest the insane War in IRAQ before it even started... That's about 10% of the total population... Nobody believed the hoax of WMD nor the NIGERIAN YELLOWCAKE forgeries... Phoney-Baloney CIA Intel reports FOOLED the Chumps that work in the US Congress.


There are two REQUIRED parts to the Lies our 'resident tells... In order for the deception to work, not only does he have to tell the lies but GULLIBLE FOOLS have to BELIEVE THE LIES TOLD TO THEM. Here in Eureka, we say "Shame on you Mr. 'Resident, SHAME ON YOU"

Yabba Dabba DU - Depleted Uranium, Not Jest 4 Break Fast NE More. Doobie Brothers and Sisters, Embrace Rainbow Spiralism or... Don't... It's Your Choice...  [2B or Not2B Continued - CLICK HERE - The Peasants Have No Bread to Eat, so LET'S BAKE 'EM A CAKE!]

I wonder what the Legal Consequences are of Revealing US Military Secrets 32 years later. NSA DeClassified TEMPEST.

The NSA has declassified Project TEMPEST but I still feel creepy about publishing my own experiences working for Pulse Engineering of College Park, Maryland. Where can I get some legal advice about writing a "Kiss and Tell" NSA book? A LOT has already been written. I remember when we were not even supposed to say the NAME of the place [we] worked... No Such Agency... Never Say Anything... I was always a civilian and worked for defense contractors and the Customers were the NSA and the USAF. My First Ex-Wife worked for the Agency. We went to many parties at the homes of other employees. Whenever they wanted to talk about secret subjects they would just start talking in Russian... The Women from the CIA Threw the Best Parties. They had a keg of Beer and Volleyball court in the backyard of the house. They invited a whole bunch of boys... One weekend they invited Deadheads, Pizza Drivers and Drug Dealers. The next weekend they invited the Engineering Department of Westinghouse Defense Systems...  By Co-incidence, I fit into both groups.
https://www.nsa.gov/public_info/_files/cryptologic_spectrum/tempest.pdf
http://www.wired.com/2008/04/nsa-releases-se/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tempest_(codename)
TEMPEST is a National Security Agency specification.

During my time at Analytics I ran my own business for one year as a consultant.

 I was working for a Job-Shop and I got paid seven dollars an hour but the shop charged the company ten dollars an hour. I made an arrangement with the company to pay me the entire ten dollars and hour by billing them directly. I had to pay my own Social Security payments, file quarterly income tax withholding and collect the money from the company. One month the company simply told me that I had to wait for my payment. They were having cash flow problems and owed money to INTEL and Me. They selected to pay INTEL. After running my own consulting business for a year I re-hired the job shop as they were entirely worth the $3 an hour. They were happy to re-hire me and said: "Oh, we knew you would be back. Everyone thinks they can do better as a consultant... Until they try it."

Then I got a job offer at a higher rate of pay from Pulse Engineering of College Park. A salesman that visited  Analytics also did business with Pulse and he made the contact. I took the job and we did custom electronic design for the NSA (National Security Agency). This was in a building with no windows and I got a Secret Clearance to work there. We made many things but I had no idea what they were. I was only told enough information to do my job and no more. We had a Faraday Cage in the factory. A room with grounded metal mesh walls. That room prevented any radio waves from leaving the room. Our work had to pass TEMPEST testing. That was a DoD standard that required electronic equipment NOT broadcast radio waves. The basic idea was that the Russians could use a custom Radio Receiver to spy on equipment... and be able to read what was printed on a computer's display. One product that we made was an encrypted telephone in a briefcase. That allowed people to go to a remote location and talk securely with the home base. This was during the 1980's and President Reagan was spending a lot of money in a cold war with the Russians. Eventually, I got fired from that job for not showing up. I was smoking a lot of Hashish at that time and I had gone to a Grateful Dead concert in Philadelphia and failed to come home and go to work on time. The owners came over to my house, found out that I was safe and then fired me. Then I took a five month vacation. Driving around the East Coast of the USA.

The next job was in the Engineering department of the United States Postal Service. I was hired to lead a team of CAD draftsmen who were redrawing the pencil and paper drawings into a computer system. Our goal was to incorporate new changes to the design of a stamp vending machine. It took six people about a year to complete that task. We used the software system called CADAM. Later I found out that computer system was only used at the USPS and Lockheed. A more popular system called AUTOCAD was used everywhere else. When I wen looking for a job as a CADAM designer, no one was interested. I never worked as a draftsman again.

I played music at the USPS Christmas Party. Richard Verril played piano and I played Guitar. I had created a book with all the lyrics and chord changes of my favorite songs. I remember that we played "Light my Fire" by the Doors and Richard knew all the notes for the organ solo. I was really impressed. He had played in a band in High School and they played all the block parties in Philadelphia.

Eventually I got fired from that Job for showing up late to work. The office was in Virginia and I lived in Maryland so I had to cross the Woodrow Wilson Bridge over the Potomac. Traffic Jams were unpredictable and so I got fired. Then I took an eight month vacation. I spent that time playing original music in my home recording studio. Synthesizers, guitars and drum machine.

Read more at: http://gvan42.blogspot.com/2018/03/growing-up-in-los-gatos-california-in.html